June 27, 2007

Everything I Know About Women

1. They are, apparently, a revised edition of men.

2. In locker rooms, they brag constantly about the size of their genitals, just like men do.

3. They absolutely love having abortions; all female fetuses must be killed to prevent this from happening in the future.

4. Some of them have been taught to spell.

5. In locker rooms, they brag constantly about the size of their breasts, just like men do.

6. They worship the one, true God: Oprah.

7. Are believed to be armed and dangerous.

8. All think exactly alike about every issue.

9. Strongly suspected to have a hand in procreation.

10. Most carry treatment-resistant strains of girl germs.

11. Will shoot out a dense cloud of menstrual fluid to disorient potential predators.

12. They just love everything you're wearing.

13. Hate it when you call them, constantly, from 2 - 6 a.m.

14. Will have sex with every pizza delivery man who comes to the door, and then not pay for the pizza!

15. Will ensnare men with their vaginas until a marriage is agreed to.

16. Can kill you with their cold, dead eyes and/or kindness.

17. Ovulate all over everything.


Anonymous said...

Loved it! Reminds me of the recent Onion, "Women now empowered by everything a woman does."

Brendon Etter said...

Thanks, Linda, it's true!

For instance, you driving to work this morning was very empowering to all women everywhere - especially to those being killed by Shell in Africa to lessen resistance to continued oil exploration! You go, girl!

Kiss Kiss, of course.