June 2, 2007

Fossils I Wish Paleontologists Would Unearth and What I Imagine They Would Signify

1. Bicycle chain (Signifying that the tyrannosaurus was both concerned about getting proper exercise and willing to use it to deliver painful beatdowns in one-on-one or gang-combat situations.)

2. Salad tongs (Signifying that deinonychus's lengthy claws, while very useful in most situations, were not effective at removing the last few croutons from the bowl.)

3. Calculator (Signifying that the oviraptor often not only counted the eggs before they stole them, but would even calculate interest on the eggs if invested in different financial instruments.)

4. Xylophone (Signifying that the apatosaurus, while slow and plodding in nature, had a keen sense of rhythm.)

5. Dial-up modem (Signifying that the triceratops also had to suffer through absolutely prehistoric download speeds when "borrowing" new music from a friend.)

6. Solar panel (Signifying that the dinosaurs realized they wouldn't be able to rely on fossil fuels forever.)

7. Spork (Signifying that the stegosaurus appreciated the space-saving utility of a utensil which could be used for both pasta and soup while picnicking.)


Jessica said...

Solar panel. Heh. That's funny, 'cause, ya know.. dinosaurs ARE fossil fuels...

Brendon Etter said...

"dinosaurs ARE fossil fuels..."


That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard!

What? Next you're going to try to tell me that water comes from monkey piss?

C'mon! Last I checked, my car ran on GASOLINE not velociraptor!

Jeez! What do they teach you down there in Iowalandia?