June 27, 2007

Radical Steps for Lessening My Carbon Footprint on This Earth

1. Now walking exclusively on my hands.

2. Ridding all carbon from my life in a massive bonfire.

3. Teleporting all my trash to parallel-universe-Earth.

4. Sealing all trees around me in polyurethane to prevent the soil from being over-carboned.

5. Now grilling with magnesium briquettes only.

6. Pushing car wherever I go.

7. Eliminating carbon from my diet.

8. Reducing risk of producing dangerously carbon-based offspring by having sex with vinyl women only.

9. No longer defecating.


ShOI said...

10. Standing in front of wind turbines all day and blowing really hard.

ShOI said...

11. Freezing Han Solo in ordinary ice instead of environmentally-unfriendly carbonite.

Brendon Etter said...

Excellent additions!

I especially like #10, because I've done that before. I really have. I can only begin to guess how much energy I saved in each breath.