June 25, 2007

Potential Drawbacks of My New Deathtrap

1. Not very environmentally sound. Requires city-dimming levels of electricity to charge and operate.

2. Victim's blood does not make a very satisfying gurgling sound as it runs down the drain.

3. Might make me forget the simple pleasure I once knew in killing people the old-fashioned way.

4. Many of the parts are import only, making future repairs prohibitively expensive.

5. All that terrified wailing and screeching after 9 p.m. will probably result in fines from Gary, the new guy in charge of the condo association.

6. May cause coma and/or death, which is not what I designed it for.

7. It's portable, but not as sexy as I had hoped - making it that much harder to pick up / grind up hot chicks.

8. Victim's screams usually not in harmony with my maniacal laugh.

9. Not as completely splatter-proofed as I had thought.

10. Poor sightlines make viewing the exact moment of death a little harder than previous deathtrap.

11. Higher efficiencies may bore me after a while.

12. People are constantly confusing it with my doomsday device.

13. Still not handicapped-accessible, putting me directly in conflict with federal law.

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