June 28, 2007

If You Have Yet to Master the Jedi Mind Trick, Try These

1. The Jedi Card Trick ("Where's the little lady? Where's the little lady? You're wrong!")

2. The Jedi Blind Trick (Not really a trick, per se, more of this thing where you don your Jedi garb and then walk around town tripping blind people. If you'd like, you could make those cool light saber sound effects while you're doing it; although I don't think that really adds anything particularly "Jedi" to this one.)

3. The Jedi Dick Trick (Richard Nixon was the master of this one, of course. Not to be confused with the Jedi Dick Tuck which is what happens to sexually-confused Jedi serial killers after a few too many dry ice martinis at the cantina. "It places the lotion in the basket, Jabba.")

4. The Jedi Mind Fuck ("Whoooaaa! Hey, Han, check this out... if the universe is, like, constantly expanding, what is it expanding into?")

5. The Jedi Pin Prick (Use the force to levitate a thumbtack onto your teacher's chair.)

6. The Jetta Mind Trick (Somehow convincing your friend that he actually can move his sofa to his new apartment using his Volkswagen.)

7. The Jedi Line Trick ("Hey, Leia, which of these two lines is longer? The answer might surprise you!")

8. The Jedi Dime Trick ("Oh my God? What's that behind your ear, young Padawan?")

9. The Jedi Mile Trick (This is a great one! When someone is just about ready to get into your car, accelerate forward for about ten feet, then stop and yell at him or her: "C'mon, get in already! I've got serious Jedi business to attend to!" Repeat. Stop after about a mile of this, or whenever the laughter gets to be too much.)

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