June 19, 2007

Poorly Composed Graffiti Found in Various Men's Rooms and My Edited Versions Thereof

Actual Graffiti: If your reading this, your a moron!
Edited: If you're reading this, you're a moron!
Commentary: Common mistake, but "your" is a possessive pronoun, while "you're" is a contraction meaning "you are". The writer's intent surely calls for the second case.

Actual: Angela sucks big dick.
Edited: Angela sucks big dicks. -or- Angela sucks a big dick.
Commentary: While "dick" can be, and often is, used metaphorically, it is still a concrete noun, and, as such, it must be quantified.

Actual: Hard to say you're hard to say.
Edited: (rewrite) I find it hard to say that there are things about me that are hard to discuss.
Commentary: The meaning of this redundant scrawl was not clear. Lacking a larger context, I took an educated guess at the author's meaning. I am open to others' opinions on this one. It also may have been a slightly-veiled reference to the author's state of genital engorgement at the time of the writing. Hard to say.

Actual: Rick is a fucking fagott!
Edited: Rick is a fucking faggot! -or- Rick is a fucking bundle of sticks or small branches tied together for use as a fuel!
Commentary: One really shouldn't be allowed to cast an aspersion until one can spell the aspersion correctly. Similarly, one should spell medieval terms for kindling correctly. Regardless of meaning, it shouldn't take that long to look up "faggot" in the dictionary.

Actual: Die Mutherfucker Die!!!
Edited: Die, mother fucker! Die!
Commentary: I obviously accept neither the highly colloquial misspelling of "Mutherfucker" - it begs the question, what exactly is a "muther" and how does one fuck it - nor its compression into one word. Why use one lengthy, misspelled word when two shorter words, spelled properly, suffice? Also, it seems that the writer wants to tell this particular fucker of mothers to die two separate times. Therefore, I have split the phrase into two sentences. Since the speaker is addressing a mother fucker directly, the comma is needed. "Mother fucker" becomes the implied subject of the second imperative sentence. The use of three exclamation points to end the sentiment, however forceful it may seem, is strictly prohibited.


Eric said...

I saw this one on a dumpster in rural South Carolina:

"Your Fat Mexicans"

Now, was this a delivery of overweight Hispanic workers?

Brendon Etter said...


At least you didn't find it IN a dumpster. Then I would wonder why you were in said dumpster... looking for the last few fat Mexicans that had stuck to the inside of the dumpster like so many Junior Mints crammed into the bottom corners of the box.

I am hoping if it was a delivery of fat Mexicans that the shipping company at least paid attention to the "This Side Up" arrow on the side.