February 22, 2012

Geometry Rules for Dumbasses

- Triangles often have three sides.

- The perfect sphere was a mythical creature that was killed by some Greek guy... or something.  Now, there are five different emo bands with that name; one of which, ironically, is made up of Greek pro-lifers.

- A line which bisects a right angle must say "Excuse me" and mean it.

- The area of a circle is the area inside the one line.  Forget about measuring the outside part.

- A line segment running from A to B moonwalks from B to A.

- A circle only has one side unless it's a snowman, then it has three sides and must be called a triangle.

- Parallel planes will probably not land safely.

- The sum of all interior angles of a pentagon is 540 degrees, but it was only budgeted at 260.

- The hypotenuse is a funny word for "line," but you shouldn't laugh at it or confuse it with Hippo Tennis,  which you can laugh at all you want.

- Given a square with vertices M, N, O, and P, we know that its name could be NOMP.

- Parallel lines is an album by Blondie.

- The volume of a cone is defined by a positive attitude.

- When two circles intersect, we can only hope it's consensual.

- A line might be made of an infinite number of points, but scientists are still counting.

- An ellipse could be a circle with untreated depression. Try your best to address the topic in a direct, but caring, manner.

- The distance between any two points on a line can be measured by line-measuring robots.

- Some parabolas kind of look like boobies.

- Squares hate the sun.

February 18, 2012

Other Systems of Government Which, for very good reasons, You've Never Heard Of

1. Otterocracy - rule by otters

2. Philosocracy - rule by losers named Phil

3. Technocracy - rule by Daft Punk

4. Ocracy - rule by n/a

5. Hypocrisyocracy - rule by those who insist that ruling is wrong

6. Obliviocracy - rule by those who don't realize they are in charge

7. Antiobliviocracy - rule by those who realize they are not in charge

8. Orthodocracy - rule by rule alone

9. Plutoocracy - rule by bitter former planets

10. Olliolliocracy - rule by people who are tired of trying to find people to rule over

11. Mocracy - rule by ridicule

12 - Ambidextrocracy - rule by the right or left, but never both

13 - Fucracry - rule by missionaries

14 - Quasimetacracy - rule by rulers who might rule over those rulers

15 - Blahcracy - rule by whatever, you know?

16 - Domocracy - Rule!

17 - Omgocracy - rule by an unexpected or surprising turn of events

18 - Anagramocracy - rule by lure

19 - Ocraocraocracy - rule by the rule of those who rule

20 - Opracy - rule by female daytime talk show hosts

21 - Knocknocracy - rule by obvious set-up

22 - Ahhhhhhcracy - rule by the most adorable