January 28, 2009

Brendon Makes Up Parenthetical Titles For Songs

Songs rarely carry enough heft in their titles. Oh sure, some titles frame the song perfectly, especially techno songs where the title is either breezily abstract and meaningless enough to make you feel stupid - Per Burn Disconsolate Triad Likeness, for example; or just one word long - the same one word that happens to be the only lyric in the song, repeated 2,000 times. For clarity.

A longer title could lift many songs out of the rubbish bin of vague word economy and into the recycling container of descriptive semantic luxury. We all know it's better to recycle, ergo...

A few song titles with my parenthetical additions to help solidify the song's place in your mind. I think you'll find it much easier to remember such titles when they more closely call up the true meaning of the lyrical or musical content that they signify.

Let's begin:

1) Hey, Jude (Naaaaaaaaa Naaaaaa Naaaaa Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na, etc...)

2) Blister In The Sun (Violent Femmes Masturbation Song)

3) Loser (Or Scientologist)

4) Dancing With Myself (Billy Idol Masturbation Song (ew...))

5) Brown Eyed Girl (Sha La La La La La La La La Lala Ti Da)

6) Dance, Motherfucker, Dance! (Mutherfucker)

7) Turning Japanese (Culturally-Insensitive Masturbation Song)

8) Revolution 9 (The Skip-To-The-Next-Track-Because-Listening-To-This-Will-Not-Make-You-Deep Song)

9) December, 1963 (Oh, What A Night! (Frankie Valli Loses His Virginity Song))

10) When I'm Sixty-Four (Which Was A Couple Years Ago, And The Answer Is "No")

11) Suffragette City (Concern For Women's Voting Rights And Vaginas Song)

12) Don't You Forget About Me (Laaaa La La La Laaaaa La La La Laaaaa Lalalalalalalalalala Laaaa)

This is just a sampling. Please add your own. Also join my facebookblogfriendgroupthingy right here! Yes! Oh, Yes! Me Wanna facebookblogfriendy!

January 15, 2009

Alternate Titles for "Sex With Seven Men"

Sex With Seven Men will take place Friday and Saturday at 8 p.m. at the NAG Theater at 411 W. Third Street in Northfield, MN.

Tickets are only $10 with all money going to the Northfield Arts Guild. It's a fundraiser, people!

Sex With Seven Men wasn't always Sex With Seven Men. I agonized over the title for many seconds. Here are some of the alternate titles that raced through my mind in those turbulent, indecisive moments.

1. Sex With Seven Concepts
2. Sex Near Seven Men
3. Sex Within Seven Seconds
4. Seven Yoda Sex With
5. Men With Seven Sexes
6. Seven Short Plays Concerning Matters Both Masculine And Sexual
7. Sex Wit' Seven Men
8. Seven With Men Sex
9. Sex For Seven Dollars
10. Sex Within Seven Men
11. Sex With Seven Men!!!
12. Sex With 6.9 Men
13. Sex With Seven Appendages
14. Sex With Seven Me
15. Sex With Sevenman
16. The Seven Men Sects
17. Sex With Seven Mens