June 7, 2007

Questions I Wish People Would Stop Asking Me

1. Can I borrow your pancreas again? (Geez, you give in on this once, and...)

2. Doesn't it get any bigger? (You know, why did they hire me in the first place?)

3. Where did you bury your neighbors? (They don't accept "I don't remember." It worked for Reagan. You'd think first they'd want to know why I buried my neighbors.)

4. How are you? (What the hell is that supposed to mean?! Can't people just get their own damn lives, for shit's sake?!)

5. Can you let me down for just a couple minutes, sir? (For the hundredth time this year, no.)

6. Why are you so defensive? (Fuck you! I'm not defensive!)

7. Remember that two hundred dollars that I loaned you? (Listen, I can't even remember where I buried my neighbors; you honestly expect me to remember your two hundred dollars? What did it look like?)

8. Who's my cutsie-wutsie widdle cupcake? (Me, mom, you already know this.)

9. What'd you put in this succulent meatloaf? (Yes! See? I knew that I never buried the neighbors after all.)

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