Freudian Slips: What I Meant To Say vs. What I Actually Said

WHAT I MEANT TO SAY / WHAT I ACTUALLY SAID

1. Please pass the salt. / I hate you so much.

2. Can I stab you in the stomach with this knife? / Can I stab you in the tummy with this knife?

3. I like to listen to music too much. / I like too listen two music to much.

4. Can I put my penis in your cat? / Can I put my penis in your pussy?

5. I love you. / Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the communist party?

6. Where the fuck are my keys? / Where the fucking fuck are my keys?

7. You misunderestimated me. / I'm the decider.

8. Turn your head and cough. / I love you.

9. Asshole. / No, I thought your review of my play was well-informed and insightful.

10. The sentence I'm going to accidentally say is true. / The sentence I meant to say was false.

11. Hello. / Hi.

12. Can I put my penis in your pussy? / Can I put this penis I found on the sidewalk in your pussy?

13. Potato. / Potato.

14. Dear God! NO! NO! / Yes, please do shoot me in the head with that shotgun.

15. I won't do it; because I am an autonomous individual, and I alone possess the power to make responsible choices for myself based on what I want to do. / Yes, dear.