Step 2. Paint all the lottery numbers on a wall.
Step 3. Throw baby at wall numbers.
Step 4. Record which number the baby hits, or comes closest to hitting - use your best judgment.
Step 5. Threaten to continue throwing baby at wall unless they let you win the lottery.
Step 6. Invest winnings conservatively.
Step 7. Responsibly report winnings on your taxes.
(NB: Lotteries are often found in gas stations. Do not use lead-based paint as it could harm the baby. May require more than one baby.)
Some of my other sound advice:
- How to Roll
- How to Rock
- How to Be Even More Zen
- How to Be More Zen
- How to Have Sex without Furniture
- How to Have Sex with Furniture
- How to Start a Checking Account
- How to Be a Drug Dealer
- How to Win at Blackjack
- How to Skin a Cat
- How to Have Good Luck
- How to Start a War
- How to Drive Defensively
- How to Paint a House
- How to Be Evil
- How to Be Popular
- How to Pop a Zit
- How to Safely Cliff Dive
- How to Perform the Heimlich Maneuver
- How to Win the Lottery
- How to Eat a Lobster
- How to Change a Flat Tire
- How to Beat Cancer
- How to Save a Drowning Man
- How to Disarm an Attacker
- What's Creepier?
- I Am Staring At Your Breasts
- Brendon Makes Some Observations
- Other Military Strategies Besides "Shock & Awe"
- What I Am Smoking Today
- I Have Made The Following Difficult Choices About ...
- The E-Mail about My Penis and Its Size
- I Play the Dozens and Fail Miserably