November 16, 2007

Brendon Makes Some Observations

- Have you ever noticed that ranch dressing looks an awful lot like semen? I have. It's one of the reasons I never eat salads when directing porn films.

- Sometimes, when I look down, I see my left foot; sometimes, I see my right. Still other times, when I look down, I see the foot that I found in the cemetery. It's fallen out of my sandwich again.

- Hey! Look at that! Neat.

- I suppose it's easy to say that a cube has six sides, if you want to stereotype cubes that way, but why do you need to be so prejudicial? Cubes are people too.

- Have you ever stapled your eyelids shut so you could get some sleep? Don't. It doesn't really work.

- Oh. You didn't see it? That's too bad.

- It's really hard to make fun of illiterate people when you're a writer.

- If you're on fire, put it out. If you're under eighteen, then make sure you get a parent's permission first. If you're an orphan and under eighteen, then there's nothing you can do, but that's okay, no one loves you anyway.

- No, no. It wasn't that cool. Don't worry about it.

- Did anyone else notice that FDR, JFK and LBJ all had three initials in their names, and they were all president of something? Also, they're all dead. Explain that!

- If you're short, you can blame your genes, but I think we all know that you're just not trying hard enough.

- Holy crap! There it is again! Amazing!


Jim H. said...


TO: Brendon
RE: Your hallucinations

I saw them, too, and they weren't that great.

On the other hand, your observations (especially re: staples) are trenchant.

Anonymous said...

That's what those staples were doing in the bed. I wondered about that- they're pokey.

Mrs. Bleeet

Christopher Tassava said...

#2 is awesome.

ShOI said...

It's true, cemeteries are full of food. But there's a catch: you have to dig down pretty far to get to it. Oh, and don't let anyone else see what you're doing, or soon everyone will be having picnics at the cemetery and fighting over the cold cuts.