December 11, 2007

How to Perform the Heimlich Maneuver

Step 1. Find or make someone choke on something.

Step 2. Find a baby.

Step 3. Throw or otherwise maneuver the baby at or around the choking victim.

Step 4. Name the baby "Heimlich".

Step 5. Ask choking victim if she or he would like to see the maneuver again.

Step 6. Repeat until victim doesn't want to see it any longer.

Step 7. Find or create new choker.

(NB: Make sure Heimlich is not choking on something; otherwise you would have to find a secondary baby, then you would have two babies named Heimlich. Too cute and too confusing.)

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