July 31, 2007

Why You Can't See Me

1. I'm behind you, and you have virtually no hindsight.

2. I am right in front of you, but you're clueless.

3. I'm on the outside of a computer typing this and you're on the outside of a different computer reading it after it has been typed, but if you had read it sooner than you probably could have seen me.

4. I go about my daily life surrounded by one-way mirrors.

5. I am time.

6. You do not have a valid ticket for admission.

7. I am the plot of a Broadway musical.

8. Because you're an ass. Asses have no eyes.

9. I am your path to success, but you have no strategic vision.

10. I'm holding your still-warm eyeballs in my right hand, and all you can do is scream and complain.

11. I am your fatal flaw, and you're in denial.

12. I am metaphorical, and you lack abstract reason.

13. I've recently come down with a severe case of invisibility.

14. I am the best idea you never had.


Jim H. said...

15. You are justice, and you are therefore blind.

16. You are looking for love in all the wrong places.

17. You own a major league baseball team, and you are therefore blind.

Deeb said...

18. Instead of light, my body emits only microwaves. You can tell I'm near when hot dogs start exploding.

19. I totally rock at tying blindfolds around you and your entire family. High five!

20. I have yet to exhibit noticeable symptoms.

Also, numbers 5, 10, and 11 are things of beauty.

Brendon Etter said...

Nice, Jim and David...

I can't believe I missed the justice is blind link, Jim, but hey, you can't catch'em all.

And, David, I love the hot dog one.

Jim H. said...

21. Your ambition is such that it has rendered you sightless.

22. Wait, wait -- who's leading who?

Jim H. said...

Mr. Etter: congratulations on being cast in "Glenfiddich, Glenlivet."

Christopher Tassava said...

23. World Champion Hiders always defeat World Champion Seekers.

24. You stupidly bought stunna shades with lenses made out of shale.

25. You agreed to go with me into the cave, but then forgot your headlamp. Bwahahahaha!

(#10 is blindingly funny.)

Brendon Etter said...

World Championships of Hide and Seek would be great!

I wonder if they've ever been held.

World championships of many kids games would be a blast.

Kick the Can...
Torture the Cat...