1. When my kids asked me if I can drive them to the pool, I would have to answer truthfully that our minivan is not designed in such a way as to allow me, a common earthworm, to both see over the steering wheel and work the gas and brake pedals.
2. Typing at work would be considerably more difficult.
3. I would still make holes in soil, but I would use my whole body instead of just my penis.
4. I wouldn't think "The Birds" was such a funny movie any longer.
5. My family would probably get sick of me always asking where my shoes were, and then snickering at them.
6. I would be less tall.
7. Sex with my wife would be rather interesting, but not as interesting as sex with your wife.
8. I might look silly wearing my old, human pants. Need to purchase new worm pant.
9. Crossing the street would be increasingly fraught with great hazard, and I would feel compelled to do so whenever it rained heavily.
10. Wife could get me into movies for free.
11. I would have serious difficulty speaking eye-to-eye with most people.
12. The "I'm but a common earthworm" excuse would probably get me out of many domestic responsibilities.
13. That same excuse would probably also clear me of the assault charges; though, truth be told, I was drunk and a worm, and I did it. I wasn't going to just sit by and listen to that bastard talk smack about earthworms like that.
14. If I were to speak about composting, people would really listen.
15. General uptick in self-sliming behaviors.