July 30, 2007

Further Proof That I Suck

I am trying to hold out hope that I do not suck; unfortunately for me, the evidence to the contrary continues to mount.

1. Won gold medal and set world record in the most recent Olympic suckathalon.

2. For the fourth year in a row, came in lousy second place for the Nobel Peace Prize.

3. I possess an impossible density; light doesn't even seem to be able to escape, though I think it's not trying very hard.

4. My snuff films are beginning to feel formulaic and predictable.

5. Frequent guest commentator for local news outlets looking for the sucky point of view.

6. I am the headline act at next year's Suckapalooza.

7. Donald Rumsfeld calls me for advice on how not to be so likable.

8. I own a professional baseball team.

9. Editor-in-Chief for "Suck" - the magazine for people who really, really suck.

10. Receiving an increasing number of "Sorry to hear about your suckiness" and "Get unsucky soon" sympathy cards.

11. Blood tests confirm elevated levels of metasuckians.


Jim H. said...

According to the counter on top of your list of archived blogs, you've posted 46 blog entries in July 2007 (with almost two full days to go). It would be interesting to guage the extent to which your loyal (and somewhat fatigued) readers think these entries suck. The results of such a poll could add some wieght to your self-proclaimed suckiness quotient.

My personal favorite: "I own a professional baseball team."

Isn't it curious how many baseball owners are reviled? {And W isn't even among them any more.) Put on your social-psychology hat and give us ten reasons (if you can limit it to so few).

Brendon Etter said...

I don't know, Jim, I think I'll just stick with my own perceptions of my suckiness...

Probably better not to have it confirmed by readers.

I think I could do something with the professional baseball team owners. A list of ways they could improve their image in the media, perhaps...