July 17, 2007

New Mottos for Some of Our 50 States

1. Nebraska - Rhyming With Alaska Since 1959!

2. Alabama - We're Not Just A Crappy Country Band!

3. Florida - The Floppy Penis Of America!

4. Kansas - A Science-Free Zone!

5. Delaware - Hi. I'm Delaware. I'm A State. Remember Me?

6. New York - Fuck You!

7. Wyoming - Squarer Than Colorado!

8. Texas - Apologizing To The Dixie Chicks Yet Again!

9. New Jersey - No, My Friend, Fuck You!

10. North Dakota - Vacancy.

11. Idaho - Yes, We Know What Our Name Sounds Like.

12. Minnesota - Passive-Aggressive? What A Cute Thing To Say!

13. Mississippi - America's Redneck Heritage Museum!

14. Vermont - Reliably Quaint!

15. Utah - Please Refrain From Sinning!

16. California - A Beautiful Fucking Mess!

17. New Hampshire - Alive! Free! Dead!

18. Hawaii - Are You Just Using Me For My Beaches?

19. South Carolina - Sorry About That Civil War Thing.

20. Nevada - Please Retain Your Sinning!

21. Wisconsin - The Nation's Heaviest Drinkers For Good Reason!

22. Arkansas - Go Ahead And Laugh.

23. Rhode Island - America's Liechtenstein!

24. Tennessee - Slightly Easier To Spell Than Connecticut!

25. Kentucky - Horsies!

26. Connecticut - New York City's Cul-de-Sac!


Anonymous said...

Indiana - North Kentucky

Ohio - Electoral Votes R Us!

Arizona - Sucking Colorado Dry

Anonymous said...

Illinois - Hog Butcher to the World
State of Big Shoulders
The Daley Show
Silent Ess

Brendon Etter said...

W00t! W00t!

Jim Haas weighs in with some brilliant buffoonery!

Thanks, Jim, those are all so good.

I especially like Ohio and Arizona and "The Daley Show" for Illinois.

To all y'all out there, Jim Haas may be the nation's most clever potter/authoritarian skull-cracker.

And he does a wicked Groucho Mark impersonation.

KJ said...

Indiana -- Where good enough is good enough

Florida -- The dumbshits and old people state

KJ said...

Oregon -- It's Or-a-gun dammit

Brendon Etter said...

Hot damn! Red-hot Lesbian librarians are now reading my blog! I am a happy man!

KJ never tires of me questioning her sexuality or her vocation.


Thanks for the comments; I especially like the Florida one.

I hope you aren't a different KJ.

KJ said...

Rhode Island, America's Unit of Measure since 1790

-- you know, because how often have you heard on the news something like this: 'The fire has destroyed an area the size of Rhode Island'

Brendon Etter said...

Good point re: Rhode Island.

KJ said...

Brendo, I am not a lesbian and I prefer the title "Information Scientist." Please address me as such in all future comments about my comments.

And why have you not set me up on blind dates with any of your eligible bachelor friends? Please screen them for inferiority complexes, napoleon complexes, issues with their mothers, and STDs before forwarding me their dossiers.

Brendon Etter said...

Sorry, KJ...

Truth be told when I ask my single male friends if they'd rather date a lesbian librarian or a former-lesbian information scientist, they all lean toward the first.

I think they have images of the glasses, the hair tied up, the sensible shoes and conservative clothes which tear away in a second to reveal the merry widow and garters and, surprisingly, stiletto heels (not an easy wardrobe trick).

So, in short, I'll forward their languishing dossiers when you forward your leather bustiers.