July 6, 2007

Other Types of Ometers

In addition to thermometers (temperature), hygrometers (humidity), and anemometers (wind speed), there exists a bevy of other, less-celebrated devices used to measure naturally-ocurring phenomena.

The following is as complete a listing as the author cares to compile. A more exhaustive compendium may exist elsewhere, probably on the world wide whateverthingy, but my googlometer tells me it's not worth researching.

Complaints and additions should be forwarded to the author. He will forward them back to you for reforwarding.

1. Meterometer: Measures anything one meter long.

2. Nanometer: Measures the amount of delicious bread needed to sop up the juices of any particular Indian dish.

3. Weightometer: Measures the "heaviness" of philosophical concepts and theories.

4. Exometer: Measures what measurements used to be measured.

5. Peometer: Measures bladder capacity and current levels of tissue distention.

6. Poometer: Measures bowel capacity and potential volume, scent and duration of outgoing gasses.

7. Milliometer: Measures many, many things.

8. Doometer: Measures your overall fuckability.

9. Zitometer: Measures dermal and subdermal seismic activity in dangerous acne regions.

10. Slackometer: Measures the minimum amount of effort needed to complete any given task in a half-hearted fashion.

11. Crackometer: Measures the length of skin between the top of one's pants and the beginning of one's butt crack, alarm sounds when that distance dips below zero.

12. Ometerometer: Measures the measuring capacities of other measuring devices.

13. Otterometer: Measures for presence and adorability of otters.

14. Otherotterometerometer: Measures measuring capacities of alternative measuring devices which might be used to measure for the presence and adorability of otters.

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