July 21, 2007

Brendon Writes a List He Thinks Is Funny, Then Explains Why He Came to That Conclusion

Gentle Reader,

I have recently been accused of being cynical, despicable, a true humanitarian and over six feet tall.

Now, everyone is certainly entitled to their opinions, but I thought I might write a list and explain why I think each item in the list is funny.

I intend to give you a periscope into my soul. If you can understand why I think some things are funny, perhaps you won't be so quick to bandy about such judgmental terms. Do you think I enjoy being reminded of my height?

Anyway, on with explaining my reasoning behind my humor.
For simplicity sake, let's call the list:


1. Something funny.
Reasoning: Funny things are funny. If I write something funny, it has to be funny.

2. An additional funny thing.
Reasoning: If something funny was something funny, an additional funny thing should be additionally funny. I believe humor builds on itself like things which build on themselves.

3. (Farting noise)
Reasoning: Farting is funny. It just is. It's like you have someone trapped in your anus, and every once in a while they shout out an oddly-muffled cry for help. Oh yeah, and the trapped person's breath smells really bad.

4. Penis.
Reasoning: Penises are funny. I'm frequently amused by mine. My wife, on the other other hand, does not find my penis amusing even when I'm showing her how well it mixes her garden salad. Oh well, humor is subjective.

5. Sarcastic comment.
Reasoning: Everyone loves sarcasm! It's the funniest thing EVER! Really, it is. I'm totally serious! That's why I'm using exclamation points!

6. Your ass.
Reasoning: It's much funnier than my ass, which, to my chagrin, just sits there all day doing nothing but holding that little guy in my anus.

7. Something funny which refers back to something else that was funny earlier in the list.
Reasoning: Unexpectedly calling back a funny thing from earlier in your writing helps invest people in the humor's totality. It's like a gift for reading all the way through to the end.

8. Kicker.
Reasoning: Finishing with something quick and powerful helps solidify your writing's resonance with the reader, like punching him or her in the face as a way of ending a friendly conversation. Try it sometime. It's comic gold!


ShOI said...

9. Comment.
Reasoning: Brendon's audience finds these lists funny and wishes either to encourage him or to add some item he neglected.

Anonymous said...

Well- now I can't serve salad anymore at dinner parties...

Mrs. Bleeet

Unknown said...

10. Another comment.
Reasoning: Because when enough people leave comments, it makes Brendon feel better about himself.

Brendon Etter said...

Is that supposed to be a joke, Jacob. I ain't laughing. Comments are good on their own, intrinsic level. Not because I need them to feel better about myself!

I mean, c'mon!

Comment anyone? Anyone?