July 3, 2007

Urgent Metaphysical News

1. Agents for the letter K have stated that the letter now prefers to remain silent in all its appearances.

2. Hope and Despair agree to peace talks to be held in Versailles this coming November.

3. Democracy soundly defeated by Fascism in general election for fifth consecutive time.

4. Saying it frequently feels unrequited, Love retires.

5. Thought thinks; blows its mind.

6. The number 5 begins five state northeast tour.

7. Local convenience store fires Apathy, rehires Expediency.

8. Obesity looking much slimmer in vertical stripes.

9. District court rules against organized crime; both Organization and Crime to file separate appeals.

10. Nature decides to go inside and warm up for a bit.

11. Area man scuffles with unwelcome Idea.

12. Sense of Urgency reportedly not truly Important.

13. Confusion's operating instructions for new nuclear power plant understood perfectly by Danger, Tragedy and Death.

14. Helplessness gives up again.

15. Applause dies down; police have no suspects.


Jessica said...

My favorite one yet. :-)

Keep it up!

Brendon Etter said...

Thanks Jessica!

I added another item to the list.

I appreciate that you continue to read my patently* offensive itemizations.

(* - patent pending)