August 27, 2007

Why I Hope The New York Yankees All Die

This isn't about anger.

It's about hate. Pure. Refreshing. Slimming.

I think even a life-long fan would understand that many reasons exist for the New York Yankees to die. They may take some convincing. To the rest of us, the only question remaining is: How?

Oh, I guess there's another question: Can I watch on pay-per-view?

So, why do they need to die?

1. Actually not real human beings, just media hype.

2. Greed plus Ego in such high concentrations is spawning a new monster, Greego. Greego will certainly devour us all!

3. Will convince countless millions of the awesome power of karmic justice.

4. Proof that money can always buy the best dead team in baseball.

5. Want to see if their funerals will be overrated too.

6. Professional baseball wants some time away to see other teams for a while; Yankees not honoring this sensible request.

7. Dissipate the cologne haze that permeates their environs.

8. Should be a small step toward parity in national media coverage.

9. Highly unlikely that they will be able to commit many fielding errors posthumously.

10. Free up pricey salon appointments across the city.

11. For the love of the game.


ShOI said...

Greego is hilarious! Does he look anything like Torgo? Oh, and
12. Send a message to the Minnesota Twins, who should pay for their own new stadium if they want one.

Unknown said...

13. Help New York City realize that it is not the center of the universe, just the center of our ire.

Jim H. said...

14. Because -- to quote the more articulate Red Sox fans -- "Jeter sucks!"

Christopher Tassava said...

15. So that we can feel pretty happy even before seeing all the Red Sox die, too.