August 17, 2007

What Happened When I Tried to Get in Touch with My Feminine Side

1. Discovered that it had been sleeping around with this other guy's feminine side.

2. Hospitalized for three weeks with acute case of girl germs.

3. Slapped with second-degree sexual assault charges for getting in touch with an apparently off-limits part of my feminine side.

4. For some reason, spent over a thousand dollars on useless, uncomfortable shoes.

5. Creepily, I began to feel something scientists call "empathy".

6. Ended up trying to date myself.

7. Just got all weepy.

8. Arrested after walking into women's locker room at the health club and disrobing.

9. My feminine side turned me down for a date claiming it needed to stay in and wash my hair.

10. Finally remembered my birthday.

11. Hated everything about my physical appearance much more vibrantly.


Unknown said...

12. Suddenly found Oprah to be enlightening, have stack of unread books.

13. Obessively Tivo every CSI program.

Brendon Etter said...

RE: #13 (above)


CSI is/are feminine programs? I thought they were about grisly crime scenes, etc...

Or am I missing something? I've never watched the show(s).

Unknown said...

The only people that I know that watch them are women and they are obsessed with them.

Go figure. Maybe they're getting in touch with their masculine side...