It has come to this pundit's attention that the Northfield, Minnesota city administrator and city council have been allowing a local collaboration of Christians to pray for the council using the city administrator's office during council meetings.
Under the belief that one must pray near the potential recipient of your prayers in order for a purportedly all-knowing God to discern on whom He should practice His ministrations, this group claims proximity as a driving force behind its need to pray in the city administrator's office.
Lest you scoff at their naivete, science backs up their claim. To wit, if they are relegated to an off-site prayer bunker, their prayer waves (Einstein's rabbi would prove that prayer waves were also prayer particles.) suffer an increased likelihood of reflection, obfuscation and misdirection by having to travel farther through atmospheric "devil rays" and "beelzebubbles". This means their prayers are far more likely to enlighten and guide the decisions of, say, nearby Faribault's city council.
In short, their prayers, if fired in diluted fusilades from remote bivouacs about town, could rain down on unsuspecting government leaders as far away as northern Iowa. This seems harmless until you realize that the Mason City, Iowa council may waste $2,500 erecting four stop signs and painting pedestrian crosswalks at the intersection of Prairie and Woodley streets, only to find that those two roads, while crossing in Northfield, Minnesota, don't even exist in their town.
Needless to say, I join conservative Christian opinion in my town in supporting these divine sentries.
I feel it is my duty, though, to avoid hypocrisy by supporting the following organizations and activities also secretly sponsored by Northfield's leaders on city property during council meetings.
1. Evil Clowns with Power Tools
2. German Revisionist History Association
3. Pyromaniacs Unlimited
4. Atheists United for Rational Governmental Decisions
5. Shi'a-Sunni Revenge Club
6. Children's Underwear Swap Meet
7. Konservative Kristian Koalition
8. Scientologists for Source Guidance of City Leaders
9. Vapid Prayer Defense League
10. Clothing-Optional Meditation Organization
11. Shadow city council
12. Rehearsal space for Northfield's premier death-metal band, SkullKrank
13. Leather Boys, International
14. Communal fish-gutting parties
15. Prayer Blockers of Southern Minnesota