August 7, 2007

What Else They Could Put In Diet Coke to Make Me Drink Even More of It

Recently, the Diet Coke company, which, I think, is not related in any way to the Coca-Cola company, came out with Diet Coke Plus - a mixture of Diet Coke and something called "vitamins" and "minerals". I have no idea what those are, but this woman I know assures me they are healthy in some manner.

I have been thinking, what else could the Diet Coke company add to their fabulous carbonated beverage to make me drink even greater amounts than I currently do?

Incidentally, if your grocer does not carry Diet Coke, request that he or she do so soon. It's spelled Diet C-o-k-e.

Now, on with the list of potential new additions to Diet Coke.

1. Love

2. Gold dubloons

3. A solid theoretical framework

4. A prize

5. Cured meat

6. Another Diet Coke in which would be another Diet Coke in which would be another Diet Coke, etc...

7. Sunshine like they add to dish soap and douches

8. Diet cocaine

9. Kitties!

10. A sense of accomplishment

11. Pure butter fat

12. A hard, pulsing techno beat

13. Silk lining

14. An advanced but easy-to-use graphical interface

15. Very horny women


Jim H. said...

16. Sugar

Brendon Etter said...

Yeah, I was hinting at that with the "pure butter fat" line.

Diet sugar... but still real sugar... can it be done?

Christopher Tassava said...

The all-natural goodness found in Coke Classic, a drink for a real man (or woman), not a namby-pamby calorie scaredy-cat.

(Honestly, if I sat at a desk from which I could see a cooler full of ice-cold Coke, as the Listmaker does, I'd be 600 pounds and buzzed to the gills within a month.)

Brendon Etter said...

I do sit perilously close to the corn syrup of the Gods. I switched to Diet Coke a few years back precisely to avoid the extra 400 or so pounds.

I make up for it with prodigious quantities of gumdrops, licorice and Rolos.

Deeb said...

17. More replay value in the form of additional characters or alternate story arcs.

Brendon Etter said...


Ohhh, David, you are a vid-ee-oh-gamer, aren't you...

Love the icon...

Has Jacob ever played The Waffle Song for you? It's from MST3K... of course.

Deeb said...

Waffles indeed! There is a waffle shop opening downtown sometime soon, and I have every intention of exchanging my dollars for some tasty gridded topping traps. I'm fairly sure it's where the old tattoo/piercing place once stood. And no, Jake has never played The Waffle Song for me.

Also, we prefer electronic entertainment enthusiasts.