August 9, 2007

Where Do I Not Get My Ideas?

Frequently, I'm not asked by anyone sometimes nothing about something like this everyday: Where do you not get your ideas?

Good question!

Let me truthfully lie to you some more and not tell you from where I may or may not hardly not get my ideas sometimes.

1. IdeaMart - Bastards said it was double-coupon day, but then denied almost all my coupons for Metaphors and Historical Allusions. Won't be shopping there again.

2. The neighbor's trash can. Once again, I was looking for my purpose, not my ideas.

3. From staring at naked male breasts. Apparently I wasn't clear enough on this one in yesterday's list.

4. My ass. I've checked and re-checked, but there's never anything up there. Can you look for me?

5. My "Ideas Wanted " ad in the local newspaper. No one ever responds to that thing.

6. The Holy Spirit. Have you seen that guy lately? He's all, like, "Wooooooooo-hissssssss, look at me! I'm a dementor!" That's all he fucking does these days. Useless.

7. My kidneys. Neither one seems especially inspired of late.

8. Quarks. I find neutrinos speak to me more.

9. My dreams. I could take a lot of ideas from them, except I sold the rights to my dreams to my need for a secure life for an undisclosed sum.

10. The Man. No way! I'm not your patsy! You'll never take me alive! Freeeeeeedooooommmmm!!!

11. The Remex Idea-matic DX150. Shitty thing does not work.

12. Otters. Let's just say, the otters and I, we don't get along any more. End of story.


Jim H. said...

The IdeaMax DX180 is a big upgrade, but hard to find. I have a hack for the old DX150 that gets around some of its design flaws. I will sell it for the right price.

Brendon Etter said...

You are friggin' hilarious, Jim!

I'll buy it for the idea of one hundred dollars, with the notion of twenty added if I like the color...

Is it cherry red?