August 10, 2007

Extremely Easy Answers to Extremely Difficult Questions

So many questions seem like they can't be answered.

I say: Bullshit.

It's not that you're not trying hard enough; it's that you're trying too hard.

In the spirit of Occam's Razor, I bring you extremely easy answers to some of life's most perplexing questions.

Think of it as Occam's Triple Rotary Diamond-Encrusted Electric Razor.

Oh yeah, to save precious bytes and bandwidth, I've left off the questions. I'm sure you understand.

1. Change.

2. Lift and separate.

3. Because Colonel Mustard is gay.

4. Innate human selfishness.

5. Soak in vinegar.

6. 31.

7. Allegory.

8. Presumption of innocence.

9. Ouch! Shit!

10. Suicide.

11. Left, then right twice.

12. Biological necessity.

13. It's not real.

14. Hold down the reset button for three seconds.

15. Agriculture.

16. Our fear of absolute freedom.

17. Cultural hallucination.

18. Six and a half inches.

19. Deductive reasoning.

20. $5.99

21. Blah blah... memes... blah, blah, blah... the inward-seeking eye, etc...


Jim H. said...

It's the old "Carnac" bit that Johnny Carson used to do, in which Ed McMahon would read the answer and Carnac would devine the question.

Answer: John Maynard Keynes

Question: What were the middle names of the Three Stooges.

Brendon Etter said...

Didn't think about that, Jim, thanks for making me look like a regurgitating hack!

The humor here is more in you coming up with possible questions that could be asked for each; some of which obviously are not extremely difficult questions at all, or, if difficult, they are being answered glibly.

But, then again, you already knew that...

Jim H. said...

OK, let's try number 15.

Answer: Agriculture

Question: Which cabinet-level department did Earl Butz head?

Actually, I just wanted to be able to say "Butz head."

Jim H. said...

#13 and # 18 could be answers to the same question.

Brendon Etter said...

Yes, they certainly could be. Good observation.