August 11, 2007

In Retrospect, I Never Should Have Asked These Questions of This Year's Leading Candidates for the Nobel Peace Prize

I had my chance to find out what makes these people tick. I blew it.

Here are the questions I should not have asked of various leading candidates for the Nobel Peace Prize.

Do you think winning the Nobel Peace Prize will help you get laid more often?
Reason why this is a bad question: Not open-ended, and the answer is obviously "yes".

What are you going to do with the money?
Reason why this is a bad question: They mainly want to do dull, self-glorifying things with it like set up camps for children displaced by years of inter-tribal warfare instead of buying a fleet of Hummers or building a roller coaster in their backyard.

What if, instead of the Nobel Peace Prize, you won the Nobel Peas Prize?
Reason why this is a bad question: Nobel Peas Prize does not exist.

Don't you think it's ironic that the world's leading peace prize is named after the man who invented dynamite?
Reason why this is a bad question: MTV already asked it.

Wouldn't you just kill to win this prize?
Reason why this is a bad question: Nobel Peace Prize candidates do not have a well-developed sense of humorous irony.

Do you agree with some who say that the Nobel Peace Prize should go to the candidate who is closest to death?
Reason why this is a bad question: Not open-ended and misleading - no one actually has said that. Some have said, however, that it should go to the woman with the nicest rack.

Wanna see my tattoo?
Reason why this is a bad question: It's actually just a temporary tattoo, and one of them is bound to notice that and make fun of me.

Should the Nobel Peace Prize winner be decided by an online popular vote?
Reason why this is a bad question: They tried this already; the Chinese prime minister won and also took second through fifth in the voting.

What's your favorite porno?
Reason why this is a bad question: Most of them have only watched the classic ones, making for answers lacking in diversity, and MTV already asked this as well.

Wouldn't it be funny if, the day after you won the Noble Peace Prize, you died in a war or terrorist bombing or something?
Reason why this is a bad question: Again, not an open-ended question. Apparently, it also would not be funny.

Pull my finger.
Reason why this is a bad question: Not a question at all; actually a command. Also, the fact that I do not have hands made for a very awkward moment in the interview sessions.


Deeb said...

Which accomplishment are you more proud of: winning the Nobel Peace Prize, or winning the Knobbled Piece Prize?
Reason why this is a bad question: A quick Google Image Search would reveal that, although knobbled, their piece is not exactly a source of pride.

Brendon Etter said...

Hey Waffles von Maplesyrupheimerlich,

I couldn't find any knobbled pieces on the web! Damn you! The internet is not some diabolical tool with which you can spread insiduous penis lies!

Deeb said...

Who said anything about penises? Not I, and I certainly didn't spread lies about them. Unless by "penis lies" you were implying that I fabricate information with my penis, as opposed to lying through my teeth or pulling stories out of my ass.

Also, did you have SafeSearch on? Because that would make a difference.

Brendon Etter said...

Dear Waffles dePenisliar,

Do I or the contents of this blog make you think in anyway that I would ever have SafeSearch on?

I actually have AntiSafeSearch on this computer; it only returns results meeting certain salaciousness and vulgarity levels.