August 15, 2007

Explanations for Why My New Professional Extreme Bocce Ball League Was Unsuccessful

1. Sixty-eight pound balls caused a few too many shoulder injuries.

2. Wild fires were not as easy to control as we had hoped.

3. Too corporate; we lost touch with the soul and tradition of Extreme Bocce Ball.

4. Indemnity insurance understandably, but still unfortunately, did not cover drowning.

5. Philosophical differences among upper management.

6. Looking back on it, the alligators should not have been allowed onto the field during regular season games.

7. Lack of a salary cap and out-of-control contractual demands bankrupted most teams.

8. Extreme Croquet colluded with Extreme Horseshoes to limit press coverage of our upstart sport.

9. Land mine maps were not completely accurate.

10. Outsider, thrill-seeker image didn't sit well with finicky iconoclast, thrill-seeker demographic.

11. Somehow, incomprehensibly, it may have involved too much nudity.

12. While thrilling and hilarious to watch, energy drink overdoses are still overdoses. I should not have been so glib about them during all those postmortem press conferences.

13. Overestimated the American public's tolerance for the word "Dude!" as the PEBBL's advertising slogan.


Unknown said...

14. Move of all televised games to the network Boccirama, which is only carried by the Straw Poll Cable in Fort Dodge, Iowa.

Jim H. said...

14. Giving every team the same name: The Kiss of Death. Regrettably prophetic, that.

Brendon Etter said...

Nuh-uh, Henry and Jim, I just yesterday watched a new game between Kiss of Death and Kiss of Death on Boccirama! Apparently, the league and the network are back in business! Now, I just have to figure out how to get the founder's percentage of those lucrative Boccirama ads...