August 17, 2007

An Extremely Non-Offensive List

1. Little bunnies!

2. Kitties!

3. Bumbalee-bees!

4. Flutter-bys!

5. Puppy dogs!

6. Baby piggies!

7. A funny little furry goat who nibbles at your fingers and toes!

8. Fuzzy caterpillars!

9. Chubby-cheeked little babies with wide-open, wondering eyes!

10. Adorable harp seal pups!

11. Awkward newly-hatched birdies!

You mix all these together, add some noodles or rice, spice it just right, and you've got yourself one hell of an adorable stir fry! Don't forget to pleasure yourself while killing them all; you'll enjoy the taste that much more! Yay!

Watch out for bones and bone fragments while eating. Ouch!

As mentioned in the title, this list was not offensive. The commentary after the list? Well, that wasn't in the title.


Jim H. said...

That last paragraph is quite lawyerly. Did your lawyer write that last paragraph? It sounds like a lawyer wrote it. Or that you wrote it and your lawyer approved it. Or that you wrote something you were pretty sure your lawyer would approve of if you had a lawyer.

That's what it sounds like to me.

Otherwise, an altogether inoffensive post, to which I say "About damn time!"

Anonymous said...

12. Clowns without axes (or weapons of any sort, concealed or hidden)

Brendon Etter said...

I wrote it under the shadow of a lawyer. By which, I mean to say, there was this fat guy standing between me and the light, and I told him to move his fat ass, and he said, "No. I'm a lawyer."

I then told him that I would file a motion to have his fat ass moved for him.

Elizabeth, clowns are still, at some level, offensive, what with the farting and crotch gags.

ShOI said...

OK, then clown babies. Just be sure to remove their cute little rubber noses before you eat their heads.