May 5, 2007

Possible Titles For The Next James Bond Movie

1. Dr. No Thank You
(007 infiltrates a charm school run by high society matrons bent on world domination.)

2. The Man with the Golden Finger, Gun and Eye
(007 races to disarm a half-blind madman with a non-functioning pistol and trigger finger who is somehow still bent on world domination.)

3. Never Never Never Ever Say Never Never Never Ever Again (Got It? I'm Serious This Time.)
(007 rushes to the aid of desperate and ineffectual parents of a cabal of cool middle school kids bent on world domination.)

4. Another Day Dies Tomorrow
(007 fights feelings of hopelessness as he slips into the pessimistic depths of a depressive episode bent on worldview domination.)

5. Casio Royale
(007 is mobilized to prevent everyone from hearing the hypnotizing sample melody programmed into all keyboards by a megalomaniacal synth-playing terrorist bent on world domination.)

6. Octo-octopussy
(007 beds sixty-four different femme fatales in a miraculously fruitless attempt to catch a ruthless sexually transmitted disease bent on world domination.)

7. Circle Yes or Yes
(007 goes undercover in Mrs. Pennyfield's sixth grade class to determine if Jane Ferring really likes Lucas Hawthorne or is, perhaps, bent on world domination.)

8. You Only Die Twice
(007 clashes with communist zombie armies reanimated by an unwavering underground undertaker bent on world domination.)

9. Bent on World Domination
(007 battles against every other human being on Earth in a desperate struggle to stop their collectivist plot to dominate the world.)

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