In Addition to a Homosexual Lifestyle, the Teletubbies Also Promote...

"A senior Polish official has ordered psychologists to investigate whether the popular BBC TV show Teletubbies promotes a homosexual lifestyle." - BBC.com, May 28, 2007

What else the Teletubbies find time to promote:

1. Petrifying adorableness

2. Chiclets

3. Putting the heads of babies on the sun

4. Big Rick's Adult Showcase in Davenport, Iowa (18-month promotional contract, expiring October 2008)

5. Abdominally-Mounted Home Entertainment Systems (Future generations of Teletubbies will come with 7.1 Surround Sound)

6. Concise but gripping plotlines

7. Finding the cure to Dipsy's cephalopriapism

8. Color recognition

9. The enormous value of Mascot-Rabbit-Pinwheel-based ecosystems

10. Uplift mofo party plans

11. The immediate, brutal and merciless use of the phrase "bye-bye"

12. The Comforest Adjustable Bed

13. The nostalgic recollection of a childhood spent romping with androgynous, technicolor protohumanoids

14. The immediate, brutal and merciless annexation of Poland