March 31, 2007

A Play A Day #351

Robot Must Win

Jimmy-boy: A man
Robot: A robot

Setting: Chair, center of stage

(lights up, music starts, Jimmy-boy and Robot, played by another man, slowly stalk in a tight circle around the chair, music stops abruptly, Robot sits down quickly in the chair, Jimmy-boy hops around in frustration)

Jimmy-boy: Damnit! Damnit! Again! You always win! It's not right!

Robot: I am Robot. Robot progammed by Jimmy-boy. Jimmy-boy program Robot must win all contests.

Jimmy-boy: Shit, Robot, I know how I programmed you, but this is different! I programmed you to beat anyone at thinking games. This is Musical Chairs, you don't think in Musical Chairs. It's stimulus-response, reaction time, that's it.

Robot: Robot must win all contests.

Jimmy-boy: Yeah, but you should be this good in chess, Risk, bridge; games like that. Not this little grade school music class time waster.

Robot: Robot must win...

Jimmy-boy: Knock it off.

Robot: Robot sorry.

Jimmy-boy: No you're not. I didn't program you to be sorry.

Robot: Robot sorry.

Jimmy-boy: Stop it, Robot!

Robot: Robot sorry.

Jimmy-boy: This isn't how you're supposed to act! Do you have any idea how hard I've worked on you!? For how many years?! Look at me, Robot! Look at me! I'm a mess; I barely eat or sleep, because of you! You're destroying me, Robot. Why don't you just behave like you're supposed to?!

Robot: Robot sorry.

Jimmy-boy: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I need to destroy you before you destroy me.

(Jimmy-boy reaches around the back of Robot, Robot quickly grabs Jimmy-boy by the throat and picks him off the ground and strangles him to death)

Robot: (dropping Jimmy-boy's body in the chair) Robot destroy Jimmy-boy first. Robot wins. Robot must win all contests.

(music starts again, Robot starts moving around chair, music stops, Robot looks at Jimmy-boy in chair)

Robot: Robot lose. (pause) Robot must win.

(Robot pulls chair out from under Jimmy-boy's body and sits)

Robot: I am Robot. I win.

(music starts again, Robot gets up, starts moving around chair again)

(lights fade out)


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