January 29, 2007

A Play A Day #291

Ten Dollars


Setting: Any room in a house, a sofa, or two chairs, or all three if you can handle it.

(Lights up, Carver sitting, Nola enters)

Nola: Hey dear, why the big smile?

Carver: I just had the most amazing experience, Nola.

N: Really? What?

C: A man called me, he knew my name already, said he was from the American Cancer something something, and asked me if I'd give ten dollars to wipe out cancer.

N: Okay...

C: I thought: Holy crap, cancer totally sucks! You know? So...

N: Yes?

C: Ten bucks, right? So I said, yeah! Yeah! I'll give you ten bucks for that!

N: Great... it's a good cause.

C: No kidding, it's a good cause! More like it's a fucking great cause!!

N: Okay.

C: So, the amazing thing is... they called me, Nola! Don't you see? They... called... me!

N: Well, sure... I... uhh...

C: And all they needed was ten dollars... my ten dollars!

N: Right... that's...

C: So, what do you think? Isn't that amazing?

N: Ummm.... Carver, I don't... well, I'm glad that you're throwing your heart into such a worthy cause... I mean, maybe next year, we'll set aside thirty or fifty dollars or more for them.

C: What do you mean?

N: When they call next year, we could tell them to increase our donation. I mean, since this obviously means a lot to you, we could give them more money then.

C: Weren't you listening?

N: Yes.

C: There won't be a next year.

N: Well... what?

C: I cured cancer! Me! I did it! Just a few minutes ago! Ten bucks to wipe it out, that's what the phone cancer guy said! And they called me! I gave the money that cured cancer! It was me! Me! Me!

N: Carver... you didn't...

C: (not listening) Just think! Think, Nola! I'm going to be famous! Nobel prize in curing things or something!

N: Honey, I don't think the phone guy...

C: You know what? We should start calling other disease businesses and see what else we can cure!

N: Carver, you're completely misunder...

C: Let's see... like that old people brain rot thingy...

N: Alzheimer's?

C: Then the AIDS dudes, and, ohh... the heart attack club or whatever...

N: Listen, sweetheart, please don't...

C: I mean think of it, Nola! Wow!

N: No! Carver! This isn't what happens... you're helping, but...

C: (walking offstage) I gotta find some other ones... ohh, yeah... there's that Jerry Lee Lewis diseaseathon... I'll check into that too... (he's off)

N: (pause) I better give ten dollars to the American Stupidity Society.

(hangs her head and sighs and exits as lights fade out)


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