(Murky light, Mike and Edward come on in fins, masks and snorkels, they are on wires, swimming ten feet above the stage, they swim for a while, then Mike points to a corner of the stage which has been decorated to look like a coral reef, they dive down and swim behind it, and lift a beautiful mermaid to the surface, she swims very lethargically between the two men, they break the surface, spitting the snorkels from their mouths, treading water)
Mike: (shouting) Ha!!! I told you! I knew you didn't believe me, but it was true!! I told you I saw her here last night! I told you, man!!
Ed: This is fucking unbelievable!! She's hot! I can't believe this, man!
M: Come on. Let's get her to the boat.
E: Doesn't she need water to breath, Mike?
M: Yeah. (give her his snorkel, but turns it so that it is pointing down into the water) There, that'll work for now, I've got a long hose on the boat for her to use.
E: Heh, heh! So do I!
M: Give it a rest, Ed. Save it for the boat.
E: How much of that shit did we use?
M: Dumped almost a ton and a half over that section of the reef.
E: And you're sure that stuff works?
M: Works in the land bar, should work on the sand bar.
E: She won't remember a thing?
M: Nothing. We just wait for the blood sample to test negative, and then she's ours.
E: How long for that?
M: Guy told me it takes about an hour for the readout.
E: Man! That's too long; do we have to do that?
M: Hey, hot chick like this, she's gotta be a slut. You wanna take that chance?
E: Alright, alright, let's go... let's go... let's go!
M: Yeah, we're wasting time here.
(they start swimming on the surface toward the exit, Edward stops, treads water, Mike and mermaid continue offstage)
E: (calling after Mike) Hey, Mike? How do we get her pants off?
M: (from offstage, after a beat, he clearly has not thought of this issue) Ahhh... fuck! (muttering as lights fade out) Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck...