January 6, 2007

A Play A Day #268

Little Things


Setting: Living room, a sofa.

(Soft music, lights up on Obi and Clara, laying down, Clara is on top of Obi, moving in for a big kiss)

Clara: Yeah... this is what you want?

Obi: Oooohhh, yeah.

C: (sour face, pulls away slightly) Eww, breath.

O: Ohh...

C: Please say something that doesn't require you to breathe.

O: Ahh, I'm not sure...

C: You know what... (sitting up) Let's have a drink.

O: I'd rather continue here.

C: I know, but you can't expect me to kiss that, when...

O: You're breath isn't exactly ambrosia either.

C: What... how? That was mean.

O: And you weren't, with my breath?

C: I was honest.

O: Me too.

C: (holds hand in front of her mouth blows into it, sniffs) No, you weren't; my breath smells fine.

O: You can't really smell your own breath.

C: Yes you can, watch. (does breath test again) Nothing.

O: That doesn't work.

C: It does; my breath doesn't stink.

O: Must be your body then.

C: Wha... that was so...

O: Just guessing... if it's not your breath, then...

C: You have nose hairs!

O: (pause) It's going to be like this then?

C: Black nose hair.

O: Okay. I guess it is.

C: You do.

O: Great. So do you.

C: I do not!

O: You do. Everyone has nose hair.

C: Not bald people.

O: Are you serious?

C: Yes.

O: Bald people have nose hair, Clara.

C: No, they've lost their hair.

O: Clara... it... the hair on their heads... they lose that... but other hair doesn't just disappear.

C: No, like those cancer patients, it's all gone.

O: I think that's a different case... and I wouldn't know, and I don't think you would either.

C: I saw a documentary on it, Obi.

O: Okay, great... so we both have nose hair, and people undergoing chemotherapy may or may not have nose hair. Goo. This relationship is moving along well ... a couple hours, and we're on nose hair.

C: I was just saying not everyone has nose hair.

O: Great... so everyone who is not being irradiated has nose hair. I'm pretty sure that's right, and I know that you do.

C: Yours stick out.

O: (starts digging at his nose, grabbing hold of a nose hair) I style them that way.

C: Gross, stop playing with your nose hair!

O: (moving a finger to Clara's nose) Okay...

C: And don't play with mine!

O: Ah-hah! You have nose hair.

C: No, I don't!

O: You just told me not to play with yours!

C: My nose! My nose! Not any...

O: Your nose hair! You told me to not play with my nose hair, then you said to not play with yours! That could only mean that you...

C: No, I didn't say that!

O: ...didn't want me to play with your nose hair!

C: Why do you have to be like this?

O: Like what? You brought up nose hair.

C: I was talking about your breath.

O: Then you started in on my nose hair!

C: You said I stunk!

O: I did not... well, I was being glib, because you were so pushy about my breath.

C: I was just stating a fact.

O: Then when I said your breath was less-than-fresh, you proceeded to perform some pseudo-medical, self-breath-sniffing procedure and denied what I said.

C: Because my breath does not stink!

O: If it doesn't then it must be your body odor.

C: Starting all over again?

O: That's the ludicrous thing; we're supposed to be rehearsing a love scene, Clara. Not bickering about stupid things like this, breath and nose hair.

C: Okay, fine, fine. I'm a professional. I can work with this.

O: I've dealt with worse situations before.

C: I was just raising an objection.

O: Sorry about the body odor stuff; I felt a little defensive.

C: I know. I'm just nervous.

O: Yeah, me too; I... uhh...

C: It's happened to me before; so I nitpick...

O: ...to keep your emotions in check?

C: (nods) And I really need to keep them in check... with you.

O: Uh-huh ... same... same here.

C: We have to do this scene eventually, and I would like to do it now.

O: We'll see where it takes us. Maybe it's what we both really want?

(Clara eases Obi flat on the couch and starts moving in for the kiss)

C: Yeah... this is what you want?

O: Oooohhh, yeah.

(Lights start to fade, a passionate kiss starts, lights out, then back up quickly and starkly)

C: (hopping off Obi with haste, fanning her mouth and walking quickly offstage, her body and actions suggest retching) Awwwccckkkk... gross! It's like skunk and garlic!

(lights fade quickly on Obi checking his own breath in his cupped hand)


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