May 5, 2008

The Names of All the People I Have Set on Fire, and My Reasons for Each

1. Sir Kendrick Worthington Cuthridge, III - He comported himself in a manner most insufferable. Quite.

2. Tallulah Mintz - I had to see if was possible that she could be hotter than she already was. The answer was yes, she could be. Dramatically so.

3. Otto M. O'Layshen - Entirely his fault.

4. Henry DeWitt - Needed to make some campfire S'mores for the other kids. Henry was the closest thing to kindling we could find.

5. The Nikklestet family - More environmentally responsible than burning natural resources to heat my home.

6. Collette Maple-Burns - This was an understandable mistake.

7. Dewey Potter - Don't even pretend you care. No one liked him anyway.

8. George Numann - He dared me to do it by tying himself to the chair next to my matches and that watering can filled with kerosene.

1 comment:

Christopher Tassava said...

#3 reminds me why I SHOULD NOT READ THIS BLOG AT WORK. The laughter is, uh, hard to snuff out.