1. The four-foot long, razor-sharp, double-edged, solid steel pen is mightier than the sword.
2. You can lead a horse to water, or you can just shove a hose down its throat.
3. A watched pot never boils, but the water inside it does.
4. A bird in the hand is worth a bird in the other hand.
5. A stitch in time is impossible unless you have some sort of metaphysical sewing machine.
6. The grass is always greener when you take off your sunglasses.
7. Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater, unless it's not your baby.
8. People who live in glass houses should not throw stones or practice the shot put naked.
9. Time flies when you're not stitching it or nailing the bastard to the ground.
10. All that glitters is soooooo pretty!
11. A watched pot never boils and rarely turns into a lusty, naked, insatiable supermodel.
12. Opposites attract identical opposites.
13. Spare the rod, boil the child.
14. Ignorance is stupid.
15. All good things come to those who whine enough.
16. If someone jumped off a bridge, would you point and laugh?
17. A penny, in time, is worth more if you just melt it down and sell the copper.
18. Don't change into horses mid-stream.
19. Up the creek without a paddle is just fine if your destination is downstream.
My dad loves adages, the more absurd the better.
I always liked the advice Stuart Brand gave when asked the secret to success in business: "Fail early."
That is brilliant advice, Jim.
Funny, succinct and, technically, correct.
20. Don't look a gift donkey in the ass.
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