May 28, 2008

4-Way Traffic Orgasm

4-Way Traffic Orgasm


Setting: Car.

NINA: Then you turn left here.

KEN: No.


KEN: (with hushed awe) I can't.

NINA: You have to. It's that way, Ken. No! Don't turn right!

KEN: (shudders, moaning) Ohhhh god. (pause) Did you see that?

NINA: Yes. You turned the wrong way.

KEN: I turned right.

NINA: Yeah, now we have go back, and...

KEN: And so did the other three cars.

NINA: Ken. So? Please just turn here so we...

KEN: Do we have any tissues?

NINA: What?

KEN: You don't understand.

NINA: I do. We're getting farther and farther away from Elaine's house.

KEN: (with the reverence of the unworthy) Listen. I pulled up to the stop sign at the same time that the other three cars pulled up to their stop signs. They all had their blinkers on. They were turning right. I had to turn right. We all knew this. We all did this. We all turned right... at the... same time. (shudders again) It was... it is... so very beautiful.

NINA: (long pause) Are you serious?

KEN: (nodding) And very happy.

NINA: Because four cars at a four-way stop turned right at the same time?

KEN: But it's so much more than that, Nina! There's the timing, which is largely by chance, there are the goals of all four drivers, again by chance, but there are also all four drivers realizing that neither of the two drivers clockwise from them is going to interfere with their right turn. Now, here's where it gets cosmic: there is the realization that all drivers are making a right turn, and, even though the driver on your right in that scenario can't effect your progress in any way, it becomes clear that all four can share in the glory of the moment. That all four can commune in this unspoken four-vehicle, four-wheel, four-way ballet.

NINA: Great.

KEN: Wasn't it good for you too?

NINA: Not really.

KEN: Maybe you have to be driving.

NINA: I doubt it. Please, let's turn around now. I hate being late. Elaine told me 7; I'd like to get there by 7.

KEN: Yeah. Sorry.

NINA: (pause) You were supposed to turn left.

KEN: Yeah.

NINA: So, does that count?

KEN: What do you mean?

NINA: Does it count?

KEN: Why wouldn't it?

NINA: You staged it. You went right simply to have the experience.

KEN: It was in search of beauty.

NINA: Noble, but fake.

KEN: You've never faked it before?

NINA: That's the end, not the means.

KEN: But if you changed the means, maybe the ends would come for real.

NINA: Are you saying that I should be fucking other men?

KEN: Yes.

NINA: What?! I can't believe you.

KEN: Because I'm fucking Elaine.

NINA: Oh. Good point.

- end -

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