I respect the purpose of "The Vagina Monologues" and, as much as it creeped me out to have all those women talking with their vaginas, I felt the evening was empowering and sexy... emsexerising?
(An open question: How many years of ventriloquism and pelvic muscle training do most of the performers need to speak from their tunnel of love?)
Just wondering. My friend Shari probably knows. She says that she can actually breathe through her vagina, but maybe that's just when she's walking on her hands.
Despite this theatrical / linguistical / gynecological miracle, I do feel that "The Vagina Monologues" needs a little priming to maintain its edge.
Don't get me wrong here; I think it's great that we can provide a couple hours of stage time every year to a whole bunch of vaginas. I would hate for audiences to forget that vaginas are the single most important part of the female anatomy.
How tragic would our world be, for instance, if we forgot to acknowledge that every woman is a vagina? How cruel to demean women by paying attention to something other than her vagina! "The Vagina Monologues" remind us all that we must never ignore her vagina - preferably, her hot, wet, beautifully empowered vagina - not even for a second.
I walk that talk, too. I make it a point to commune directly with all vaginas, ignoring the messy, extraneous "other" bits, physical or not, that cobbles together the female - her hair, her eyes, her brain, her needs, her feelings.
"The Vagina Monologues" has taught me that all women prefer to be dealt with through their vaginas. Straight up. Respectfully. Man to man.
Nonetheless, as easy as it is for me, I recognize that some audience members may need newer, flashier features to maintain their interest. Here are my suggestions for making sure the vaginas keep drawing them in year after year:
1. More vagina juggling
2. Trying to set a world record for the number of people that can fit in a vagina at one time
3. Vaginaoke: Sing along with top vagina hits
4. Vagina mixed martial arts fighting
5. Informational session on how to locate a vagina in an emergency
6. Cooking with vaginas
7. Funniest vagina competition
8. Relay races
9. Demonstrations of what should and should not be stored inside vaginas
10. Competent acting
11. Update on the push for a crucial national vagina database
12. The clean and jerk
13. A good old-fashioned sword fight
14. Vagina mimes - "Help! Help! I'm trapped in a furry, invisible box!"
15. Silly vagina masks