January 9, 2008

Why You Should Hate the Loch Ness Monster

1. For a monster, it is woefully unprepared to scare.

2. It's Scottish, and hating Scottish things is fun!

3. It snobbishly refuses to hang out with the Yeti.

4. It leaves slimy flipper prints all over your stuff.

5. It eats its own fart bubbles.

6. It was supposed to pick you up at six, but instead insisted on its old "I'm a prehistoric anomaly that doesn't know how to drive" routine.

Despite your years of training, it can still drink you under the table.

You're getting really tired of the self-obsessed, last-of-its-kind sob stories.

9. It's just letting its once-lovely figure go.

10. Really lording the whole vegetarian angle over you.

11. Insists on being reclassified from "amphibian" to the more politically correct, but annoying, "bihabitatal".

12. Smells like grog and decaying seaweed.

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