"The Weather" - new play by Brendon Etter (Me!)

The Weather

Cast:
Man1
Man2

Setting: Bare stage.

(Lights up. MAN1 and MAN2 sit on front lip of stage, close together, looking off at the horizon.)


Man1: That's true enough.

Man2: Yeah.

1: Yeah, kinda cold.

2: Yeah.

1: Perfect though.

2: Yeah.

1: I'd rather have this temperature...

2: Yeah.

1: ...than a warmer one.

2: Yeah.

1: Keeps you alive.

2: It could.

1: Torpor, that's what they call it.

2: Sure.

1: Heat makes you lazy.

2: Yeah.

1: You think so?

2: Yeah, it does.

1: But I don't get it.

2: What?

1: How you can hate this.

2: Not the temperature.

1: Oh?

2: I like the temperature.

1: Oh. (pause) Really?

2: Yeah.

1: But I thought...

2: I said I didn't like the sunset.

1: You like the temp though?

2: Yeah. Temp's fine.

1: I though you hated the temp.

2: You didn't listen.

1: Hey! No need to get personal.

2: You didn't.

1: Simple mistake is all.

2: Well...

1: So this sunset or...?

2: All sunsets.

1: Why?

2: Too final.

1: No.

2: My opinion.

1: Yeah, but it's wrong.

2: Just an opinion.

1: A wrong opinion.

2: They just seem so final.

1: No, it's the down payment on tomorrow's sunrise.

2: It's a reminder of death.

1: No.

2: The transition to nothingness.

1: No.

2: The crush of darkness.

1: No.

2: Removing the source of all life.

1: No.

2: Pulling away from light.

1: No.

2: The blackness of the grave.

1: No.

2: Just my opinion.

1: Yeah.

2: I'm allowed that, right?

1: Yeah, but you're wrong.

2: No, I'm not.

1: You're a negative thinker.

2: No, I'm a realist.

1: Reality gets you in trouble.

2: Only from you.

1: Well, someone has to stand up for optimism.

2: Fine, but why did you stab me?

1: Huh?

2: Why?

1: When?

2: Just a couple minutes ago.

1: Ohhh.... that...

2: Yeah, that.

1: Stabbed you in the back?

2: Yeah.

1: Thought you meant why did I stab you in the leg last week...

2: No, we settled that.

1: ... or in the face at your wedding...

2: No, that one made sense...

1: ... or like that one time I stabbed you in the shoulder...

2: In ninth grade...

1: Yeah, that time.

2: No, I meant why did you stab me in the back a couple minutes ago?

1: Well, you were talking shit about the weather, and...

2: The sunset!

1: I thought you were talking about the temp.

2: No, the sunset!

1: Alright, the sunset!

(long pause)

1: That's like the weather.

2: No! It's the sunset!

1: Anyway, so I was confused.

2: Yeah, but you didn't need to stab me.

1: Well, someone's got to stand up for the weather.

2: No.

1: And optimism.

2: I think you nicked an artery this time.

1: Hey now, let's keep it positive.

2: No, I really think...

1: Let's just let the sun set here...

2: (starting to droop and fade to the side) I hate... the sunset.

1: ... then we'll see about getting you some help.

2: Hate it.

1: We've covered that.

2: (all the way on his side, breathing becoming shallower) I do.

1: Down payment on tomorrow, man.

2: Too final.

1: Shhhhhh... just watch.

2. Too dark.

(2 is going completely limp, eyes closing, 1 notices)

1: Hey, keep your eyes open.

2: I can't...

1: Not with that attitude.

2: Help.

1: (looking out with hushed excitement) Hold on, hold on, this is the best part.

(lights out)


-end-