December 3, 2006

A Play A Day #234

We Are Where We Are


Setting: Bare stage.

(Newton and Siri are unconscious on the floor, in random positions anywhere on the stage, they stir and slowly come back to consciousness, very confused)

Newton: Siri... Siri?

Siri: Wha...? Newton?

N: You okay?

S: Yeah. I think so. You?

N: I'm fine... I guess.

(lots of confused surveying of the landscape, slowly getting to their feet, rubbing the backs of their necks, moving together to the center of the stage)

S: Where are we?

N: No idea.

S: How did we get here?

N: I wish I knew.

S: But where are we?

N: I don't know, Siri. It's...

S: So flat...

N: ... and black...

S: ... and empty...

N: ... and... hey what's that?

(Siri turns toward where Newton is pointing, they both exit the stage in that direction)

S: (from offstage) Wow! What is it?

N: No idea.

S: How did it get here?

N: Beats me.

S: It's indescribably.... uhhh...

N: Indescribable.

S: Yeah.

N: Wow.

S: Yeah. (long pause) Wow.

N: I'm sleepy.

S: Me too.

N: It's probably not related to the glowing blue energy field eminating from this... this ... uhh... thing.

S: No. No way.

N: Hey!

S: It's gone!

N: Where did it go?

S: No idea.

N: (walking back on stage, a totally different actor, different clothes, everything) That was......... amazing?

S: (a totally different actress) Indescribable?

N: Yeah, that's it.

S: But, where are we, Newton?

N: I don't know... Hey, Siri, let's give it our own name.

S: Yeah! Great idea.

N: It's flat... black... and goes on forever...

S: (long pause, thinking) Flatblackinfinitia?

N: (beat) Yeah... that works. I like it.

S: Me too.

N: Now we know where we are.

S: We do.

N: Hey look! It's back!

(they exit, as soon as they leave a brand new actress and actor appear on the other side of the stage)

S: Back home!

N: I think the indescribable thing was even more indescribable this time, Siri.

S: It was, wasn't it, Newton?

N: Yes; yes it was.

S: You know, Flatblackinfinitia is not without its charms.

N: It's not bad.

S: It's beautifully flat.

N: And black goes with everything.

S: True, true.

N: There's so much possibility in the endless horizon.

S: We could build the world's largest Dairy Queen-slash-Victoria's Secret!

N: Brazier?

S: Griddle.

N: Brassiere?

S: Girdle.

N: (laughing) That would be excellent.

S: (pointing) Yay! It's here again.

(They start to exit, a brand new Newton and Siri enter, running directly into them, no lines exchanged)

S: It just gets better and better.

N: Let's stay here forever, Siri!

S: We have to, Newton, we just have to!

N: We'd be stupid to leaave.

S: Idiots.

N: It's back!

(They start exiting, slowly the other three pairs of actors enter from anywhere on the stage, taking turns in order of appearance)

N: Oh, Siri!

S: Oh, Newton!

N: Oh, Siri!

S: Oh, Newton!

N: Oh, Siri!

S: Oh, Newton!

(fourth pair re-enters)

N: Oh, Siri!

S: Oh, Newton!

(a fifth pair enters)

S: Oh, Newton!

N: Oh, Siri!

(the other pairs react with horror to the different order, any of the Newtons and Siris respond)

N: What is wrong with you two?

S: Indescribably horrible!

(general murmurs of agreement, long awkward pause, fifth Siri says)

S: Oh, look... the thing!

(they all exit excitedly, a sixth pair enters)

N: I hate that thing!

S: Totally pointless!

(bamboo poles extend on stage from each wing of the stage, sharp blowing sound, Newton grabs the back of his neck)

N: Ahh!

(another sharp blowing sound, Siri grabs the back of her neck)

S: Ahh for me too!

(they both collapse to the stage, random position and location, lights out quickly)


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