November 9, 2006

A Play A Day #210

Long Term Planning


Setting: The forest, represented here by words only.

(Lights up on Bis and Wix, they are on the ground on their stomachs, Wix seems to be eating the ground, Bis stares wistfully out and above the audience)

Bis: Wix? (pause) Wix? (pause) Wix? (pause) Wix?

Wix: I'm eatin' over here!

Bis: Yeah, I know.

Wix: Then let me eat. (goes back to eating)

Bis: I just... well... I was just wondering about the future.

Wix: (lifts head up slowly) The few what?

Bis: The future... the time that hasn't made it here yet.

Wix: Oh, that stuff. (back to eating)

Bis: Yeah... that stuff... it's kinda scary.

Wix: No, it's not.

Bis: Yeah, you don't know what's coming, things could be crazy different one moment to the next.

Wix: But they aren't. Thing just stay the same. No worries.

Bis: Yeah, but you like it that way.

Wix: I suppose I do.

Bis: Right, but try this: ask yourself what you're going to do in the future.

Wix: What I wanna do in the future?

Bis: Yeah, try it.

Wix: Alright... I guess in the future I want to slide over to that leaf there and get my mucus on.

Bis: What?

Wix: Yeah, this is just the appetizer here; soon as I'm done I'm gonna macerate that greenish bitch to death... oh yeah!

Bis: I meant...

Wix: I mean look at that thing! Oooo, baby, that's one sexy piece of decaying vegetation!

Bis: But, I was trying...

Wix: I'll be like: "How's it going, leaf?" Real smooth, and warm it up, then, bam! I slowly pounce on top of it and chomp! It's mine.

Bis: Well...

Wix: You should stick around; it'll be all glory to me!

Bis: Right, okay, but...

Wix: That's the future, Bis. Stick around; you might learn something. Maybe, I'll even share it with you. Two-on-one, bitch... oh! think it heard me. (laughs)

Bis: Wix! Please, let me say something.

Wix: Go ahead.

Bis: Think beyond the next couple hours; think of the future... way out there. Like think of one point in the future and keep thinking further ahead of that. What are your plans?

Wix: Find more leaves like that one! Life's only as good as your next meal.

Bis: Man, you are so shallow.

Wix: And hungry.

Bis: I'm hungry too, but for growth!

Wix: Whatever.

Bis: Hear me out...

Wix: Sure.

Bis: You're a human, right?

Wix: Tough question...

Bis: Seriously.

Wix: Duhhh... yes.

Bis: I'm a human.

Wix: Less so than me, but I'll give you that much.

Bis: So, I just think we humans are destined for more than just crawling around in the primeval forests on our gastropods using our denticles to churn small holes from small plants.

Wix: Are you kidding! Have you checked? We have dual-equipment man, dual!

Bis: Yeah, but, I hate to tell you this... when we finally mate... we chew each other's phalli right off!

Wix: (truly shocked) What!?

Bis: It's true... my mom was also a dad.

Wix: No! The pole goes?

Bis: Sorry.

Wix: Holy slime.

Bis: Anyway, I just think we could be so much more.

Wix: I'd just like to keep a little more.

Bis: I think we could, you know, and I'm just slimeballing here, but I see a future where we group our cells a little differently, rearrange some genetic material, get a bit smarter, get some sort of internal rigid structure to hold us up, learn how to gamble, inject intoxicants, and drive internal combustion vehicles into each other on long stretches of concrete I think should be called sidewalks.

Wix: Yeah?

Bis: Think of it... we could be male or female... we could choose our own gender when we hatched!

Wix: And chew off our penises only if we wanted to!

Bis: Exactly! And eat pizza 'til we're fat!

Wix: Decomposing leaf pizzas?

Bis: Sure!

Wix: Damn.... that does sound great.

Bis: Yeah... planning for the long term. That's what it is.

Wix: What's "smarter" mean?

Bis: No idea. I was just throwing some things out there.

Wix: Well, let's get started!

Bis: Alright.

(long pause)

Wix: So, want to share some "pizza"?

Bis: Yeah, then we'll get to figuring out those intoxicants.

Wix: Lick me! This is going to be great!

(lights out as they slowly move toward the leaf)


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