February 21, 2007

A Play A Day #314

Who Doesn't Like A Nuclear Meltdown?


Setting: Internal, office.

(Red lights flashing, emergency lighting on stage, distant warning sirens, Wally sits typing away at his computer)

(enter Dylan, quickly)

Dylan: Wally! Wally! We gotta go! We gotta get out of here!

Wally: (normal pace and tone) Howdy, Dylan! Nice to see you. What brings you to my office on this beautiful spring day?

D: Wally! Evacuate! We have to go!

W: Ohh... sounds serious!

D: It is! Now, Wally!

W: I wish this place wouldn't be so serious all the time.

D: Now!

W: We really need to put some levity in our work.

D: A group of angry clowns have barricaded themselves inside the main reactor!

W: Well, that's more like it! Clowns. Who doesn't like a good clown show?

D: No! Wally, they're like crazy clowns!

W: Oh good, that's the best kind! Nutty clowns with their insane antics.

D: They are threatening to trigger a core meltdown if...

W: I wonder if they'll let me go get the little ones from home?

D: They've taken hostages!

W: Sandy, my middle child, she especially likes clowns.

D: They've started issuing demands!

W: Ooo! I wonder if they have any funny animals with them?

D: No! Are you not...

W: Monkeys, of course, and...

D: They're terrorists!

W: ...little ponies...

D: We have to go! Now!

W: Where'd you say this was at?

D: The main reactor!

W: Wonder if they set up a big top?

D: No!!

W: How exciting!

D: I'm your Disaster Buddy; we have to evacuate together!

W: Sure, we should all go together... evryone should bring the kids back and...

D: No! No! No! Do you understand, Wally! They could trigger a complete core meltdown at any time!

W: Clowns are so wonderfully unpredictable!

D: Catastrophic failure!

W: That's what makes them so funny!

D: Annihilation of everyone in a twenty mile radius.

W: Watch out for the clown with the bag of flour!

D: Death and destruction for hundreds of miles downwind.

W: Poof! Ohhh nooo! He poofed it all over you! You're covered in white powder!

D: Environmental degradation of hundreds of lakes, rivers and streams.

W: Uh-oh, Mr Flour-face, watch out for the bucket of water!

D: Leaving the groundwater and soil contaminated for hundreds of years.

W: Ahh! You got splashed! Now, they're checking you! Oh no! You taste like bread dough!

D: Animals starving.

W: Looky here, it's a big old Dutch oven... one clown is stoking the fire! What will happen now!?

D: People dying of cancer at alarming rates.

W: Ahh! The bread dough clown got tricked! Now, he's climbing into the oven!

D: Deformed babies.

W: The clown in the oven finally breaks out of his hot prison! Ohh! Look at that! His head is inside a comically large loaf of bread!

D: Now, Wally!! Now!!!

W: It must have really cooked him!

D: We're going to be cooked if we don't leave!

W: Hey! A big bonfire? Whatd'ya think?! You go get Kim and the kids, and I'll grab a whole bunch of marshmallows and my acoustic guitar and...

D: Screw this...

(exits quickly)

W: (not noticing that he's gone) We'll meet back here in an hour? Sounds like it could be a good one!

(lights fade out as Wally starts putting on his coat)


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