February 6, 2007

A Play A Day #299

Patrons Are Cautioned That Tonight's Performance Includes Both A Gunshot And A Loud Explosion

Audience (a whole audience)

Setting: Bare stage

{Patrons are cautioned that tonight's performance includes both a gunshot and a loud explosion.}

(Lights up, all eight characters are sitting on the stage in a tight circle, they are playing spin the bottle, one person spins it, but when it stops, they pick up the "bottle", audience discovers that it's a handgun. The gun is pointed at the person indicated by its muzzle's direction, trigger is pulled, nothing happens.

It is imperative that all characters, while showing fear and relief and great anxiety, make no sounds at all, though they are not dressed as mimes, that is how they should play this scene.

The gun, however, is very real.

Game continues for a while, several more people have the gun pointed at them and fired, but nothing happens.

This continues for several more rounds.

For a while, the characters are getting more and more worried, then it continues for a longer period of time.

We see their faces start to relax as they realize that the gun must not have any bullets in it.

They actually get giddy and reckless, pointing the gun very close to people's heads, pulling the trigger twice or three times, putting the gun in their mouths or down their pants and pulling the trigger.

Nothing happens.

To break up the monotony, one character leaves and brings back a suitcase filled with dynamite.

He puts the gun in his pocket, then takes out a stick of dynamite, spins it, the wick points to the victim. Victim nervously picks up dynamite, someone lights it, and the other seven characters run offstage, fuse burns lower and lower, then goes out.

The other seven come back, game continues with other sticks of dynamite, eah one going out before exploding.

Eventually, the dynamite has all been used. Everyone is still alive.

They sit and stare at each other for a while. A loud fart sound is heard.

All characters start overreacting to the smell, slowly leaving the stage in the process.

Lights down.

Lights come back up, curtain call, actors leave the stage again.

House lights up)


[Audience finishes clapping, starts standing up, gathering coats and purses, two actors re-enter, one takes out the gun, another grabs a stick of dynamite, gun is cocked and fuse is lit, these two sounds play very loudly over the sound system as well. Many in audience turn around. One actor aims gun at random audience member, the other tosses the lit dynamite at the same person.

Lights out.

Screams, a gunshot, and a loud explosion are heard.]



Brendon Etter said...

Inspired by an actual conversation, with actual words(!!), at rehearsal tonight.

ShOI said...

And then a third actor comes out and farts in the direction of the random audience member.
And then a skeleton crosses the stage... now the danger starts!

Brendon Etter said...

Shit. Forgot the skeleton.

I wish I could right something that well.

"A skeleton crosses the stage, now the danger starts!"

You know damn well I would have used "commences" instead of "starts" and that makes it sound too highbrow.

Also, I probably would have substituted "skeleton" with "elephant seal", and then I would have had to change "A" to "An", and the whole impact of the line would just disappear.