February 20, 2007

A Play A Day #313

The Energy In The Energy


Setting: A kitchen

(Lights up, a minimal kitchen, the water in the sink is running full, we hear a knock on the door, pause, knock again, pause, knock again, then we hear the door open)

Vic: (off) Dan? Dan?!

Dan: (off, other side of stage) I'm in the living room!

(Enter Vic, walking through the kitchen, sees water running, moves to it)

Vic: Hey... the water... (grabs faucet, turns it off, lights fade out with the water)

Dan: Hey! Hey! (enter) What... Vic, did you...? Turn the water back on!

Vic: What? (turning water on, lights come back up with the water) That? Did the faucet just...

Dan: Damnit... I was like two paragraphs from the end of my patent application, now I have to recreate the last page... shit...

Vic: The water?

Dan: Yeah.

Vic: I just thought you forgot to turn it off, so I...

Dan: It controls the lights.

Vic: Wha...? Is there a short or something?

Dan: No... it controls the electricity for the whole place.

Vic: Like a fuse box?

Dan: No, I mean, it generates, creates, the electricity for my house.

Vic: The faucet?

Dan: The faucet lets the water flow, you know.

Vic: Yeah.

Dan: And that generates the electricity.


Vic: Ummm... Dan? How?

Dan: Well, I moved my hot water heater and an additional water storage tank to the roof, then I installed new piping with turbines in them.

Vic: In the pipes?

Dan: Yeah. Tiny little turbines that spin in the passing water and make electricity in tiny generators that are wired together into the house's electrical system.

Vic: Are you serious?

Dan: Yeah. There are thousands of those itty-bitty little turbines in all the pipes... they cut the water pressure a bit, of course, but I get free electricity!

Vic: But...

Dan: If I really need some serious power, I run the tub.

Vic: The water... Dan... you run the water all the time?

Dan: No, only when I'm home... and I don't run them at night, usually.

Vic: Wow, Dan! I just don't know what to say here.

Dan: Just doing my part to save the Earth!

Vic: You waste thousands of gallons of water every single day.

Dan: Ahh... yes... well, not really.

Vic: Yes, right down the drain, look at it!

Dan: No. Listen, Vic. I bought one of those fountain return pumps and wired it to a small windmill I put on the roof. I flip a switch in the basment when I want the wastewater redirected to that pump, as opposed to being pumped into the city system, and then the water runs from the tank on the roof to the faucet, down the drain to the pump, and back to the roof again.

Vic: Oh my God...

Dan: Truly awesome... it's my own invention.

Vic: When did you do this?

Dan: Worked on it pretty much solid for the past month. I'm exhausted.

Vic: You should be.

Dan: But, I've got a solution to that.

Vic: Sleep?

Dan: No. Better?

Vic: There isn't much better than sleep, Dan.

Dan: I've been designing a similar system for people!

Vic: What do you mean? This system is for people, isn't it?

Dan: Right, right. I mean for people to be powered.

Vic: Huh? Empowered?

Dan: No, but close! I call it Inpower. People will be Inpowered by my next invention.

Vic: I don't...

Dan: And I'm going to need a test subject.


Vic: What? Me?

Dan: Would you?

Vic: Be a subject?

Dan: The first.

Vic: For what?

Dan: The Inpower system.

Vic: Like this water thing?

Dan: But for people. It would guarantee you virtually endless energy!

Vic: What?

Dan: You wouldn't have to sleep ever again! I wouldn't have to sleep ever again! I would have more time to invent!

Vic: I'm still pretty clueless on this, Dan.

Dan: It's simple. The system is the same, except the turbines are placed inside main veins and arteries...

Vic: What!!?

Dan: ...then wired back to the heart.

Vic: Holy shit!! You're serious!

Dan: Yeah. I just need someone who's up for a little elective open heart surgery... we'll started by replacing your regular aorta with an Inpower Enercell Aorta.

Vic: Enercell?!

Dan: Like it? It's just a prototype name... might change it.

Vic: You're insane, Dan! There's no way I'm going to do something like that!

Dan: Think of it! Your heart would never die. It would be constantly replenished by it's own energy.

Vic: I don't care!

Dan: I'm thinking about putting tiny windmills in the trachea too... power the lungs...

Vic: That's just sick... there's no way I'd do something that... that stupid!!

Dan: If it works in you, I'll be the ssecond trial. I swear! But, I can't be the first; because if it doesn't work, who's going to refine it for another test? I've got to be there.

Vic: Find some other idiot! I'd rather die than be your pathetic science-fair freak!

(Vic turn away)

Dan: (to himself) Not a problem...

(Dan reaches out and slams off the water, lights out)

Vic: Hey!

(We hear a thud, a moan, then another thud)


No comments: