October 22, 2006

A Play A Day #192

On The TV


Setting: A TV

Qed: So what are we watching?

Jalli: Nothing, Qed, we are on the TV.

Q: Like television TV?

J: Precisely, like television TV.

Q: So people watching us, Jalli?

J: Well...

Q: No shit?

J: Not here.

Q: Hey people! I'm on TV!

J: He can't hear you man!

Q: What?

J: TV's not on.

Q: Who's TV ain't on, Jalli?

J: The TV that we're on.

Q: What TV?

J: We're only on one TV.

Q: I don't... huh?

J: Just one.

Q: We are one one television? In the whole country?

J: The whole world, Qed.

Q: How did that happen?

J: Hey, we are on TV, right?

Q: Yeah...

J: So quit complaining.

Q: Not complaining, man; I just thought, you know, you said that you had a TV show, and, well...

J: This is the deal I could make with the execs, alright?

Q: What deal?

J: To get on TV.

Q: We get to be on one TV?

J: Just one.

Q: But...?

J: If we do well on that TV, then they might add us to another one...

Q: Seriously?

J: Yeah, before too long we could be on literally dozens of TVs from America to Armenia!

Q: What's Armenia?

J: Nevermind. Point is; if we're good, then we get on more and more TVs.

Q: Alright... but how do people even know that we're on?

J: More like, how does that person know we're on... well... uhhh... I don't know. I suppose we could call him again. I called him just before we started and got his voice mail.

Q: You know who it is?!

J: Yeah, his name's Jeff. Lives in Georgia somewhere.

Q: His TV might be on though!

J: No, I got his voice mail, I told you that...

Q: Yeah, but people sometimes don't answer the phone because they're watching something on TV, right?

J: Yeah, possibly.

Q: So maybe he's watching TV, and maybe he's seeing our show!

J: It's possible.

Q: I say we call him right now and see. Tell him to turn to our show! Tell him he can be on TV!

J: Alright. (pulls out cell phone, dials, long pause) Nothing, man. Voice mail again.

Q: You could've left a message!

J: No, no point in being too pushy about it. Our audience demographic shows that Jeff doesn't like to be pushed.

Q: Shit.

J: You know, they're going to kick us off his air if you don't stop swearing.

Q: Sorry... sorry...

J: So, what should our show be about?

Q: Wait? You don't know?

J: Nope, wanted your help.

Q: Wow... unbelievable... well, I'm not letting my big chance fly by! I say we make the show about Jeff!

J: No... I'm not willing to do that.

Q: Why not?

J: I have my artistic principles. I'm not selling out to the highest bidder.

Q: He's the only bidder we got, Jalli.

J: Precisely, all the more reason to buck the status quo. Dare to do something truly different!

Q: Your principles are going to get us cancelled!

J: At least I'll have my dignity.

Q: Man... what does this guy like? Maybe he likes stuff that fits with your artistic principles.

J: If he did, then I'd change my principles. I'm not selling out!

Q: You can't do this to us! This is our big chance!

(cell phone rings)

J: (answering it) Hello? Ohh... yeah? Really? Yeah, I did call you twice. Yeah... my name's Jalli. Listen! Turn your TV to channel #69, 857! No... I know... only your TV gets that channel! Trust me! What? Seriously? No. No.... No... alright... yeah.... yeah... thanks for calling, man.

Q: Was that Jeff?

J: Yep... his TV's busted. Doesn't know when he's getting a new one.

Q: Ahhh... shit...

(lights out)


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