June 2, 2008

George W. Bush Tells A Knock Knock Joke

Sorry, this is probably too easy... Never one to back toward a challenge, however, I venture forth.

George W. Bush

SETTING: Bare stage.

Bush: Knock.

Aide: (whispering) Knock, sir.

Bush: Knocksir.

Aide: (whispering) Sir, it's just "Knock. Knock."

Bush: Why should I knock twice?

Aide: Protocol, sir.

Bush: Who's that?

Aide: Those are the rules of the form, sir.

Bush: Why do I need to follow the rules?

Aide: You don't, sir. You're correct.

Bush: Thought so.

Aide: Please continue, sir.

Bush: I will when I'm ready!

Aide: Yes, Mr. President.

(long pause)

Bush: I'm ready now.


Aide: (throat clearing) Sir?

Bush: Oh, yeah. Start.

Aide: Me, sir?

Bush: Yeah.

Aide: But, sir, I thought you...

Bush: I changed the mission.

Aide: Certainly, sir... but, if I start, then you won't get to finish.

Bush: How do you mean?

Aide: You'd just be the straight man.

Bush: I am a straight man.

Aide: Of course, sir. That's not the same...

Bush: Do you think I'm one of them gays?

Aide: Not in a million years, sir.

Bush: Good.

(long pause)

Bush: 'Cuz I'm not.

Aide: Yes, sir.

Bush: I met one once.

Aide: Sir?

Bush: A gay.

Aide: Yes, sir.

Bush: Too bad too, seemed like a good guy.

Aide: Yes, sir.

Bush: But he had the gay real bad.

Aide: Yes, sir.

Bush: Pink shirt even.

Aide: Yes, sir.

Bush: You ever wear a pink shirt?

Aide: No, sir. Of course not.

Bush: Good.

Aide: (tentatively) The joke, sir?

Bush: How 'bout panties?

Aide: Sir?

Bush: Panties.

Aide: No, sir. Absolutely not.

Bush: Well, not the granny panties...

Aide: Sir...

Bush: No self-respectin' man would wear them ol' bloomers.

Aide: Sir, we really...

Bush: I mean sexy panties...

Aide: Sir, you should be...

Bush: Like the kind you see in them undie catalogs, like Laura gets, they got...

Aide: Sir, your mic is...

Bush: Got that strap thing goes "down in the valley", do you know...

Aide: Ummm, sir, really...

Bush: Know what I mean?

Aide: Yes, sir, but...

Bush: Good one. Butt valley. What're those called?

Aide: Sir?

Bush: Those sexy butt valley panties?

Aide: Thong, sir.

Bush: That's it. (pause) Think I'd look good in one of those?

Aide: Uhhh.... uhhh... no, I mean, you would... I mean, it would seem... (terrified) yes?

Bush: Yeah. Wouldn't make me gay though.

Aide: Of course not, sir.

Bush: 'Less they were pink.

Aide: Right, sir.

Bush: Pink's gay.

Aide: Yes, sir.

Bush: How 'bout Dick?

Aide: (panic) Sir?!

Bush: The Vice-President.

Aide: Ohh...

Bush: Think he'd look good in one of them sexy, butt valley, not-pink, thong undies?

Aide: Sir, I shouldn't be making such judgments.

Bush: (giggles) Then he'd be Thong....


Aide: Thong who, sir?

Bush: (cracking up) Thong Cheney!

Aide: (getting it) Ohh! Oh! Good one, sir!

Bush (walking off) See? You see, that was my Knock Joke. Ahh! My Vice-President is a scary monster movie actor! Scary monster actor in sexy butt valley panties! Thong Cheney! Ahhhh!

Aide: (trailing him, overlapping his last line a bit) Sir? Uhh, sir? The children are waiting for your speech, sir. Sir... please, sir...

(lights fade)



Anonymous said...

Good grief you are funny.


Brendon Etter said...

Thanks you, YFW. No idea who you are, but I appreciate the compliment.