George W. Bush Tells A Knock Knock Joke

Sorry, this is probably too easy... Never one to back toward a challenge, however, I venture forth.


CAST:
George W. Bush
Aide

SETTING: Bare stage.


Bush: Knock.

Aide: (whispering) Knock, sir.

Bush: Knocksir.

Aide: (whispering) Sir, it's just "Knock. Knock."

Bush: Why should I knock twice?

Aide: Protocol, sir.

Bush: Who's that?

Aide: Those are the rules of the form, sir.

Bush: Why do I need to follow the rules?

Aide: You don't, sir. You're correct.

Bush: Thought so.

Aide: Please continue, sir.

Bush: I will when I'm ready!

Aide: Yes, Mr. President.

(long pause)

Bush: I'm ready now.

(pause)

Aide: (throat clearing) Sir?

Bush: Oh, yeah. Start.

Aide: Me, sir?

Bush: Yeah.

Aide: But, sir, I thought you...

Bush: I changed the mission.

Aide: Certainly, sir... but, if I start, then you won't get to finish.

Bush: How do you mean?

Aide: You'd just be the straight man.

Bush: I am a straight man.

Aide: Of course, sir. That's not the same...

Bush: Do you think I'm one of them gays?

Aide: Not in a million years, sir.

Bush: Good.

(long pause)

Bush: 'Cuz I'm not.

Aide: Yes, sir.

Bush: I met one once.

Aide: Sir?

Bush: A gay.

Aide: Yes, sir.

Bush: Too bad too, seemed like a good guy.

Aide: Yes, sir.

Bush: But he had the gay real bad.

Aide: Yes, sir.

Bush: Pink shirt even.

Aide: Yes, sir.

Bush: You ever wear a pink shirt?

Aide: No, sir. Of course not.

Bush: Good.

Aide: (tentatively) The joke, sir?

Bush: How 'bout panties?

Aide: Sir?

Bush: Panties.

Aide: No, sir. Absolutely not.

Bush: Well, not the granny panties...

Aide: Sir...

Bush: No self-respectin' man would wear them ol' bloomers.

Aide: Sir, we really...

Bush: I mean sexy panties...

Aide: Sir, you should be...

Bush: Like the kind you see in them undie catalogs, like Laura gets, they got...

Aide: Sir, your mic is...

Bush: Got that strap thing goes "down in the valley", do you know...

Aide: Ummm, sir, really...

Bush: Know what I mean?

Aide: Yes, sir, but...

Bush: Good one. Butt valley. What're those called?

Aide: Sir?

Bush: Those sexy butt valley panties?

Aide: Thong, sir.

Bush: That's it. (pause) Think I'd look good in one of those?

Aide: Uhhh.... uhhh... no, I mean, you would... I mean, it would seem... (terrified) yes?

Bush: Yeah. Wouldn't make me gay though.

Aide: Of course not, sir.

Bush: 'Less they were pink.

Aide: Right, sir.

Bush: Pink's gay.

Aide: Yes, sir.

Bush: How 'bout Dick?

Aide: (panic) Sir?!

Bush: The Vice-President.

Aide: Ohh...

Bush: Think he'd look good in one of them sexy, butt valley, not-pink, thong undies?

Aide: Sir, I shouldn't be making such judgments.

Bush: (giggles) Then he'd be Thong....

(pause)

Aide: Thong who, sir?

Bush: (cracking up) Thong Cheney!

Aide: (getting it) Ohh! Oh! Good one, sir!

Bush (walking off) See? You see, that was my Knock Joke. Ahh! My Vice-President is a scary monster movie actor! Scary monster actor in sexy butt valley panties! Thong Cheney! Ahhhh!

Aide: (trailing him, overlapping his last line a bit) Sir? Uhh, sir? The children are waiting for your speech, sir. Sir... please, sir...

(lights fade)


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