Brendon Writes 4 Variations of Monty Python's Dead Parrot Sketch: #3

You all know the sketch. If you don't, watch.





I now strive to re-imagine that particular bit of comic history in my own way. Four separate posts.



VARIATION 3

CUSTOMER: Hello. I'd like to register a complaint.

SHOPKEEPER: Yes, sir?

C: This bird that I bought here not half an hour ago is dead.

S: Great!

C: Great?

S: So, does it handle all your documents?

C: What?

S: Live parrots make horrible staplers.

C: Staplers...? What are you...

S: You need them to be good and stiff for efficient stapling.

C: I don't need a stapler!

S: You don't?

C: No!

S: Then why did you buy one?

C: I bought a parrot!

S: A dead parrot - Nature's Perfect Stapler.

C: My hamster makes a perfectly serviceable stapler, thank you.

S: Outrageous! A hamster stapler?

C: Yes.

S: Dead?

C: No, quite alive.

S: Wow! I get some loonies in here, sir, but you walk off with top honors.

C: Do you at least have more staples for my hamster?

S: Certainly. How many do you need?

C: Box of five-hundred should do nicely. Thanks.

S: There you are.

C: Will you take trade-in on the parrot?

-end-